Equippers Newsletter -- From Him to them through you

“A house is actually a school and a church, and the head of the household is a pastor in his house.” – Martin Luther, via @LifeWayMarriage. Ding-ding-ding-ding! GET THIS ONE. Let it seep into the heart and mind. The parent is chief educator, chief spiritual leader, chief ‘formation manager’ of the lives entrusted to you! Wow!! What responsibility, but what a perfect model we have in God the Father, and what a perfect helper in the Holy Spirit. You can do this – in Christ!


Today’s newsletter is heavy on links because I’ve seen so much good stuff lately. Much of it comes from filtering Twitter, so the @so-and-so tells you where it came from in case you want to follow them. If you have a twitter account, please tell me so I can follow you. I am simply VictorLee (one word) on twitter. Enjoy:

• Sad story, and not related to parenting, BUT, a little over half way through this short clip I think you hear a great example the Christ-like way to respond to tragedy. Perhaps worth showing your family as you ‘shape’ their thinking about how to cope with hardship. http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/crime/2009/09/13/wral.nc.groom.killed.wral
• Great blog entry by Jason Hayes (@JasonHayes) on spiritual snootiness vs. humility. Excellent for your kids to read, or better yet as foundational material for a family discussion a parent leads. http://threadsmedia.com/life/article/super-spirituality-are-you-a-faith-snob-part-one/
• Very practical advice on how to get your child to listen. A little better for younger kids than older, but useful to all. http://www.more4kids.info/1178/parenting-solutions-for-listening-kids/
• You’ve got to know what your kids’ generation likes! Relevant cultural information:http://parent2parent.ning.com/group/trendwatch/forum/topics/current-youth-culture-top-10
• Two great quotes on our walk with Christ and daily surrender to him, from Hal Mayer (@HalMayer), “It is interesting following God. Every time we get a sense of, ‘okay I got this,’ He allows life and circumstances to turn us back to Him,” and, “Thank you God for caring enough about knowing me -to allow me to be incomplete enough to need YOU and know it!” Use these as part of a discussion with your kids of how bad things and struggles are used by God to grow us. This is vital for them to grasp early.
• Whiteboard/discussion material for home: “Another proof of our fallen nature is our uncanny ability to clearly see the faults of everyone except ourselves.” – Rick Warren (@RickWarren)
• Wise thoughts from a Godly man on real protection for our children.
http://www.echurch.co.za/good-news/trust-god-with-your-loved-ones/
• Strong story about a family being pro-active on the sexual front; including strong stats on porn. http://www.ajc.com/news/gwinnett/porn-talk-draws-masses-141608.html?imw=Y

'World vs. Word' in Shaping Your Child's Sexuality

5th in a Series on Shaping Your Child's Sexuality
Review John 17:15-19
The bottom line summary: You are not residents of earth, just as Jesus is not. You are here, at His bidding, to be His slave, to accomplish His purposes. You live in a constant state of spiritual growth (sanctification) that is accomplished by the Word of God washing over and through your life, correcting, instructing and inspiring.

It is in that context that we raise our children. One major aspect of life on earth, in this foreign place, is sexuality, because sensuality and this sexuality have become a God to the people of this world. It is a self-God, an idol, and Satan masquerades in it as true intimacy. The enemy has perverted a beautiful thing. Our challenge is to put it in the context of 'beautiful' for our children.
The impossible job: To keep the world out of our children while putting our children in the world to make a difference.

Be careful too far to one side, and you really are a religious zealot.
But be too loose to the other, and you really are making the road wider and more dangerous for your children.

We can’t build too many walls, or we can’t fulfill the No. 2 reason we exist: to fulfill His purposes! (The first reason is to give Him glory, which you can argue is the same as the second reason because if you fulfill His purposes you give Him glory! But that’s another message).

Where are we ‘careful’ and where are we not? What is inappropriately ‘sexualized’ that draws our children the wrong way, and what is simply appropriate exposure to life, reality, the human body, the interaction of men and women, and education about the interaction of man and woman in marriage?

Overarching question→ What is appropriate sexualization for a middle schooler a) at home; b) socially; c) in dating. Work to come up with real answers and use them to help guide your plan! Note that this whole teaching series on sexuality is not designed to give you the answers to the test, but to give you the questions, point you to the text book, and ask you to put the answer in your own words to your children as the Spirit leads!

Examples of the 'tension' we face:

When they are 14, do we pretend with our children that the opposite sex doesn’t exist?
Or do we endorse them snuggling up on the couch with a boyfriend, holding hands, with a kiss being our ‘limit’ to enforce? Aren’t BOTH making you uncomfortable right now?

Do we as parents display to our kids in our affections, attitudes and conversation toward each other that we’ve had sex the exact number of times as the number of kids in the household, or do we openly acknowledge and even playfully (not meaning crudely) speak about our romantic life?

Do we blindly assume our children are never going to have an orgasm – not to mention sex --until their wedding night? Or do we actually discuss what one is and whether it is acceptable for that to occur before marriage? Or do we take an in-active in-between role that assumes ‘they’ll figure that out on their own;’ and is there anything wrong with that attitude (since they probably will figure that out on their own)?
Understanding Where You’re Starting From
Are You a Prude, Pragmatic or Progressive
When it Comes to Shaping Your Child’s Sexuality

A Prude sticks their head in the sand, at worst, and at best speaks self-righteous-sounding platitudes that offend the mind and miss the heart. In either case, they set their kid up for disaster.

What to do if you’re a prude: back up, take a deep breath and a long look, and completely re-approach. Deal with your own sexual issues on a spiritual (forgiveness; adjustment) level. Have honest dialogue with your spouse. Own your struggles and begin an open dialogue with a progressive about how to change, including specific next steps.

A Pragmatic thinks, ‘I better do and say something about sex’ out of obligation, or defense, and of course out of genuine love, but they really don’t want to personally engage because they are defensive and scared. So they draw boundaries without heart- and head-engaging explanation, they give books that explain plumbing apart from emotions, and they hope for the best. They won’t get it.

What to do if you’re a pragmatic: tie the heart to the matter. You’ve been willing to engage the issue, now be willing to be vulnerable and ‘uncomfortable’ taking the conversation to the heart level. Talk about it with a progressive.

A Progressive anticipates the dialogue, prayerfully and thoughtfully prepares to engage and equip their child, maintains open dialogue with their spouse about the issue, and never, ever leaves their child thinking sex is a dirty word or something to fear. Why do they leave them thinking it is nothing to fear? Because they give it proper CONTEXT, relationally and to the Word of God, and they SHOW that context in their life with their spouse. A progressive’s children have the best chance to grow into a Biblical sexuality.

What to do if you’re a progressive: keep growing, and find a prude or pragmatic to help! Make yourself available. Actually begin/drive dialogue with other parents on the issue; you might change their kids’ lives.

What are the guiding principles that determine where you as a parent land in the continuums above? And what will you do from here? Below are suggested steps to work through as parent(s).

• Consider whether you are naïve, and reject it if you are
• Write down a series of questions, issues or concerns regarding sex and your child
• Search the Word and its guiding principles for application to each
• Consider ‘practical’ (day-to-day, pragmatic, contextualized) answers/solutions for same
• Merge the Biblical and the ‘practical’ into an ‘action plan’ for each issue/question
• Prioritize order of dealing with questions/issues/concerns
• Carefully considering the state of your relationship with your child with regard to deeply personal physical/emotional issues, make a plan for beginning the dialogue (not having a mere ‘talk’) with your child

Peace, As Jesus Gives It

It is a sweet and safe place to be able to figuratively curl up in the arms of Jesus when you are hurting and believe you have no where else to turn. (Many men among you readers have likely already recoiled at that comment, anti-masculine as it appears. But let’s remember that Jesus was a very masculine man, a carpenter, a strong man, a tender warrior.) Life frequently – daily sometimes – present conundrums of the mind, heart and circumstances that no person can solve. You can’t get your own mind and actions to follow His will, it seems, much less someone else’s! Get two or three problems spinning around you in a row, and you’re reduced to desperation.

And there is Jesus. Too often that’s what it takes to get us to Him – major ‘trouble,’ stuff we couldn’t manage ‘on our own’ (as if we’re supposed to manage anything on our own!). So is it any wonder He allows it?

“Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Your heart must not be troubled or fearful.” – John 14:27

He leaves us HIS peace. How big is His peace? Total. Beyond thorough. Nothing is ‘worrying Him’ (our sin does grieve Him, however). Nothing can shake Him. He sees the past, present and future (in fact, so completely that He does not function in ‘time’ as we know it), and He holds it all. That’s pretty big peace!

He contrasts that peace with ‘peace’ the world gives. How does the world give it’s (false) peace? Through distraction (sin, habit, or a combination), drugs, man’s effort to ‘eliminate’ (divorce, abandon, etc.) the problem. Satan keeps feeding us the same old substititues! You would think w would catch on!

You may think, ‘I don’t know how to run to Jesus, to curl up in His arms!’ There is no ‘technique.’ Be still. Speak (in your mind or with your mouth) your fears, concerns, feelings, etc. with raw honesty. Focus your mind on Him. Ask Him to comfort and speak back. Be still long enough to get it out, and be still long enough to hear. Ask the Holy Spirit to do His job(s): a) comfort; b) counsel; c) intercede for you; d) bring to your mind the Truth Jesus taught.

It will work, every time. As some prescriptive applications say in the instructions: “Repeat as often as necessary.”

Standing Naked Before Jesus

Today’s Texts→John 7:53-8:12 (woman caught in adultery); Romans 8:28-30; 31-34
(These are 'notes', not an article, but I hope you can get enough nuggets without the transitions and some detail-Victor)
The Scene→↓The religious people (the self-righteous legalists) are trying to trap Jesus, so they bring him the most publicly unacceptable, egregious, situation of the day: a woman caught in adultery.

They did it publicly. In ‘church.’ With smirks on their face they said, ‘OK, GOD, what you do about this?!’

He delayed. Twice. To let them think about it. (Pretty good parenting technique, by the way)

1→“No one, Lord.” LORD!

She called Him ‘Lord’! She’s standing there fresh from hot sex, with somebody’s table cloth wrapped around her so she won’t be stark naked, and she calls Him LORD! She goes in there literally expecting to DIE, and comes face-to-face with a man who turns the tables on her accusers. This man is different, why, He’s a God-Man!

2→“Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.”

Listen, when you take a sinner to God, what do YOU expect Him to do with him?! Be careful here! God might mess up your revenge with His redemption! If you want them ‘condemned’ for being so bad, you better get in the executive line with them!

God isn’t waiting for a person to get cleaned up! He saved you as you were! What He says to her is amplified in Romans 8:1, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus . . . “ He says, “You’ve met me now. Everything changes. Go on, quit that nasty stuff, and live in the light.”

She has met the Lord, in the midst of her greatest need. Well, that’s a fine time to meet Him! When did you meet Him? When everything was going rosy? Not if you got saved, past, say, 10 years old! Once you were old enough to figure out that rosy isn’t rosy, you were trying to FIND a savior.

3→”I am the light of the world. Anyone who follows Me will never walk in the darkness, but will have the light of life.”

Once you are exposed to the light, you crave the light! Remember the woman at the well. She had a pretty sordid sexual past and present, too. But once she’d seen The Light, she didn’t mind what everybody knew so much . . . that was secondary. She ran back to the village telling the people to “come see a man who told me everything I ever did!” In her case, that’s the same as saying, “Come see a man who told me everybody I ever slept with!”

The point isn’t what she did – the point isn’t what you did – the point is Who He Is, and how He changes who you are!

Our God is a God of redemption, and that includes in YOUR sex life; whether of the body or of the mind. Read the redemptive passages of Scripture!

Romans 8:28-30 applies. A few thoughts and steps spinning off of “all things work together . . .” as it relates to a sexual sin history.

A-He knew you were going to do that (He did not ordain it, permit it, or endorse it, but He knew it)
B-He knows who you are with now (He knows who you married and the baggage you brought)
C-His mind can overtake your mind (If you don’t believe and live this, you are living in defeat; the battle is for the mind, and the saved have ‘the mind of Christ’)
D-His nature can overtake your nature (”be transformed by the renewing of your mind”)
E-Practice makes perfect (overcome ‘wrong sex’ with ‘right sex’; he ordained your sexuality with your spouse!)


→Read/exegete Romans 8:31-34 carefully

You are clean. You are redeemed from your sin, including your sexual sin. Now go and sin no more. But when you do – which is not an excuse for sin – you have An Advocate, Who is at the right hand of the Father. He paid the price, interceded, shaped and reformed you, interceded some more.

You are free from your past sexual sin! And being free from it, and knowing you are free, and accepting your freedom, you are now free to shape the sexuality of your children without guilt, shame, remorse or embarrassment.

When You Run From Sexual Sin (of the past, present, or in the mind),
Where Do You Run?
To the Light.

↓Overarching, practical truth for you and your children↓
You Must Focus on the Light

How Do You Focus?
1-Eliminate Distractions
2-Accountability
3-Intentional Lighting
4-Knowing Where to Run (1 Cor 10:13)

Have I gone soft on sexual sin in this message? NO. The summary of all above – relating to all sin, not just sexual sin: Jesus died on the cross, for your sin and mine. So the price is paid. So quit violating the one who paid the ultimate price by doing the same thing over again. RUN – TO – THE – LIGHT.

A Word for Would-be Leaders too Shy to Share

Paul wrote, "For I want very much to see you, that I may impart some spiritual gift to strengthen you, that is, to be mutually encouraged by each other's faith, both yours and mine." - Romans 1:11-12


Don't ever be shy about passing on what God has given you -- it's literally why you exist. There is a false humility among some Christians that causes them to think, 'Who am I to share that?' or 'What I have to say doesn't matter,' or 'They'll think it strange coming from me.' This is how the enemy wants you to think! Such 'false humility' is really either a) one fooled by the enemy per my previous comment; b) one simply not bold enough to speak; c) one with too little faith to believe that God will use his (which are really His) words. The three reasons overlap with many people.

You've accurately heard it said that genunine humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less. So when you hear something from the Lord and desire to pass it on, you are thinking of benefitting others with what has benefitted you. Sounds Christ-like to me!

We must act in humble confidence, and confident humility.

Paul's comment breaks down this way. A) A desire to see those to whom he is called to minister; for you, that's anyone in a group that you have leadership of OR influence/membership in; B) that I may impart some spiritual gift; clearly, he has something for them. Prerequisite to that is that he has received something, thus having been in steady fellowship with God; C) to be mutually encouaraged by each other's faith, both yours and mine; our leading/teaching - YOUR leading/teaching -- leads to our receiving from others as they grow in intimacy with us and thus willingness to share and as our overall example of 'passing it on' is caught. This is creating or contributing to true Biblical community per the Acts 2 model of church.

Share boldly! Use any venue you've given. Share with those who share with you. Re-send with proper credits what you receive. The point is always to encourage one another in the faith, teaching, shaping, nurturing, encouraging, reven rebuking as needed.

If you know Christ, you ARE the front lines!

Watching it Storm from the Mountaintop-Victor

Turning 'Inverted Christianity' Upside Down

Mark Batterson writes in 'Chase the Goose -- Reclaiming the Adventure of Living a Spirit-led Life': "Many people live an inverted form of Christianity, trying to get God to serve their purposes instead of them trying to serve His purposes. In what ways do you live that way?"

I can count quite a few in myself, yet my heart jumps with agreement, passion and some (hopefully righteous) anger when I read this quote, because I agree so passionately.

I challenge you to self-examination this week with regard to the above statement. I'll do so as I sit here in the mountains of North Carolina, hanging out with Jesus and Judy.

Here's the deal: Those living 'inverted Christianity' are either not saved, or very young in the sanctification process. And you cannot be even that young in the process and not have a urging in your heart, a drawing of the Spirit, a ding-ding-ding going off in the ears of your soul that says, 'There's more than this!'

Yes there is. There's servanthood, and most of us stink at it. If you are going to minister, there is one thing you must acccept promptly and just 'live with': that ministry is inconvenient. YET, anything less is soul-less, passion-less, utterly self-serving.

Reading Yancey's 'The Jesus I Never Knew,' I - like Yancey - was most struck by the story about Henri Nouwen walking away from all the accolades and public focus of his life (Harvard professor and priest) to daily care for a man who could not care for himself. What a waste it seemed, and yet Nouwen was most content and fulfilled at this stage of life.

Batterson goes on to point out how completely upside down God's thinking is compared to ours. And this truth is among the first that must sink into our thick skulls in order for us to 'get it' that we will never chart a successful ministry path for ourselves. We are not here to come up with clever, practical plans for how to help Jesus do His thing, but instead to simply say to Him, 'Whatever you want, I'll do.'

Ask yourself, "What am I doing in 'ministry' that was MY plan?" If you get a clear answer, graciously and in a reasonable length of time (that gives those you minister with time to adjust) step away from it; you are taking up the spot of someone who is called to it! Then, ask our Lord what He truly wants from you. Examine your passions. Consider your spiritual gifts, personality, experience. As well, ask this question, "If money wasn't an object, what one thing would I most passionately want to do to serve Christ?" Seek. Explore. Our walk with Christ is an adventure. Have intimate fellowship with the Spirit until He shows you what He wants from you (read: what He wants to do through you). He loves the adventure, and you will, too.

Then your niche(s) will be deep and will penetrate the dark culture, as opposed to the wide, shallow religious service that makes so little difference because so many un-led, un-regenerate inverted 'Christians' are trying to help out poor little Jesus.

There is a run of mediocrity in ministry today, a run of religiousity in churches, and a run of self-righteousness in preachers and teachers. It makes Jesus sick. I must guard against such rising up in me, and so must we all. We must simply serve. Jesus is to the servant because He was a servant.

Let's serve. Let's live in power.

Ranting for Jesus from high atop Utah Mountain-Victor

Links, Quotes, Thoughts and A Rant on Parenting

• See the 'Personal Letters' entry for Aug. 29 from the following blog. It's a great way to impact your children! http://nvcparents.wordpress.com/
• Any preschoolers at home? Check out this family devo option: http://www.lifepointchurch.org/preschoolseries
• Teens old enough to drive? PARENTS driving? This ought to be a wake-up call: http://michaelhyatt.com/2009/08/driving-while-texting-is-really-dangerous.html
• Some of you have sown your wild oats and now you're hoping for a crop failure." -- Doug Sager. That applies to some parents, who hope what we did doesn't 'trickle down.' Sometimes they don't know what we did. Sometimes they know our history a little more. I strongly believe that if our children know much at all about our past being less than best, we influence them better by owning it, telling the kids how and why we wish we'd done better, and telling them what you expect and that what you've done is no excuse. Of course, living Godly before them is the course correction that shows them the integrity in your words and life.
• It is hard work being a parent! (if we do it right). But this reminder from Frederick Douglass: "It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men."
• Great tips/reminders here on parenting tips. Definitely worth your review. http://www.anniefox.com/parents/parent_teen_relationships.html

A Rant, and Introspection on the Culture's Impact on Our Children
“Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in Him.” – 1 John 2:15

As parents we must apply Scripture to our own lives, but also apply it to the life of our children and family. In that context, this verse is very, very hard to process. If you live in America, if you live in upper-middle-class West Knoxville or somewhere remotely similar, then it is very hard not to love the world.

We must ask ourselves hard, introspect questions, and we must work hard to answer them through God’s lens. Then, we must make steady -- perhaps slow, but at least consistent and steady -- progress toward re-centering with God's Truth. What qualifies as ‘the world?’ What does it mean to ‘love’ it? Does it mean we shouldn’t go out to dinner and the movies? Does it mean we can’t enjoy pleasures this world offers?

This is such deep stuff that, frankly, most who call themselves Christians don’t bother wrestling with it. They just keep trying to live for Jesus while living for the world – an impossibility. The Bible refers to them as 'double-minded' people, and I'm too often guilty! For those who want to grapple with the issue, they find themselves in a consistent -- albeit healthy -- tension. Staying in the Word and listening to the Spirit minute-by-minute is what brings victory.

Certainly, we are not to build a literal fortress and separate from the world. We are to be “in the world, but not of it” according to Scripture. I rarely favor any of the ‘boycots’ of businesses, etc., such as the Disney boycott. (I agree with my cousin, Russ, who says that on Gay Day at Disney we Christians should buy all the tickets we can, go there, and show people the love of Christ; and no, I’m not suggesting you take your impressionable younger children; I'm suggesting we live this out instead of just throwing stones. Taking a stand is one thing. Enhancing our unapproachability is another complete. As I 'preach' about parenting consistently: we can be right all day long and LOSE because of how we sent the message)
The issue of when and how we interact with the world calls for drawing some fine lines. It calls for spiritual discernment that only the Holy Spirit can give. But perhaps we can develop some diagnostic questions that help us evaluate whether we are ‘loving the world’ instead of the Lord. These are in the context of our children, but you can apply them to yourself, of course. And this is just my best-shot-for-now at it.


1) With whom do our children associate mostly as close personal friends?
2) How are our children mostly entertained?
3) What is the media’s specific role in shaping your child’s mind?
          a. What does your child watch on television, and for how long?
          b. What kind of books does your child read?
          c. What type of video games does your child play?
4) What does your child’s dress say about the influence of the culture and media on them?
5) What are our children's activities, and what/why have they been influenced to them? What are those activities gaining them in the end? (which is not a suggestive question that doing something for mere pleasure is wrong).

That alone should open a can of worms, but it is a can that we as parents MUST open. The balance has to be there. The re-centering with the Gospel must happen. Ask the hard questions; then take the hard steps.

Fear and the Failure Factor

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." - 1 Timothy 1:7

Note to myself, but I don't mind if you read:

STOP FEARING. It's makes Him out a liar.
STOP FEARING. It saps your power, the power He gave you, for His purposes. You can't minister in fear!
STOP FEARING. It gets in the way of love. You can't be afraid to love _______ (fill in the blank, usually a person).
STOP FEARING. It is poluting your mind, which is called to be 'the mind of Christ.'

What do you fear? Name it. Face it. Tell it in the name of Jesus Christ to go to . . . uh, well, to leave, because He Who is in you is more powerful than he who is in the world, who is the same one conjuring up all this fear, from the pit of hell, that so weakly opposes the glory, majesty, POWER and PURPOSEFULNESS that reigns down from heaven, where your residency papers say YOU reside!

Piper quoted M'Cheyen on twitter earlier, and I loved it: "If I could hear Christ praying for me in the next room, I would not fear a million enemies."

He is closer than the next room. Have you read Romans 8? Among the vast riches of truth in that chapter, it is made clear that the Father, Son and Holy Spirit meet together to intercede for us with groanings we can't understand. That's right, they a) care enough about you, one of about 12 billion people who have ever lived, to meet about you when you don't even ask them to, and when  you do, b) pray, plan and shape you and all around you with such depth and perfection that what they say we cannot even comprehend.

He's got you! Don't fear. Go in POWER. Test it. Now.

Equippers Newsletter -- Sex; Priorities; The Mouth

Two items below this entry is my teaching on your kids and sexuality from last Sunday.
Three important links on sex and your kids:


• Sex talk from the top: http://www.focusonthefamily.com/lifechallenges/love_and_sex/purity/what_your_teens_need_to_know_about_sex.aspx
• WHO is controlling what your children hear? http://www.crosswalk.com/parenting/11607470/
• We better ramp up our awareness! http://www.cbn.com/family/parenting/elliott_TechnicalVirgin.aspx
• Identity is such a vital issue in sexuality. I love Jonny Diaz’ ‘More Beautiful You.’ Here’s the video (we’ll share it in Equippers of Middle Schoolers this Sunday, too). Share it as a family. Talk to your children (NOT just the girls) about the message.
http://www.jonnydiaz.com/?page_id=173

I interviewed Jonny and his mom, Gwen, week before last for my column in Sports Spectrum. Gwen and Ed Diaz, of Lakeland, Fla., have raised four young men who are walking with and service Christ, two very publicly (Jonny, and Braves outfielder Matt). It didn’t come without sacrifice. While Dad led a vital ministry and parented, Gwen gave up some things to focus on her boys. It begs the question of whether we are all prioritizing time properly.

Gwen is Ivy League-educated, a nurse, and gifted in administration, with expertise in a variety of medical, social and ministry realms. When the boys were young she considered how to spend her time.

“I actually made up a grid,” she told me. “I put God, my husbands and my sons on the left. At the top I put a plus sign, a minus and an neutral. I graded everything that came into my life, and if it was negative for any of the three, I didn’t do it.”

We don’t all have that choice – but we might have more choices than we think. Priorities are always worth reconsidering.

• Alcohol adds are targeting YOUR teen: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,542561,00.html
• ‘The Mouth’ (all of ours) sets off more issues than almost anything in our home. Here’s a verse to gently share with your family. Let the Holy Spirit do the convicting! (I’m bad about trying to handle that myself, a-hem). “Do not be rash with your mouth, and let not your heart utter anything hastily before God, for God is in heaven, and you are on earth; therefore let your words be few . . . a fools voice is known by his many words.” – Ecclesiastes 5:2-3b
o “Do not be rash with your mouth” -- think first! Think with Christ’s mind!
o “let not your heart utter” – if your heart is right, it won’t come out of your mouth!
o ”for God is in heaven & you are on earth” – His position considered vs. yours should put His priorities and words 1st
o “a fool’s voice . . . “ -- Bottom line: fools talk too much

What They Never Expected to Hear from Jesus

"So His fame spread throughout . . " - Matthew 4:24a

Jesus was famous. A rock star (or star Rock). People followed Him everywhere. He put on magic shows. For free. And the 'magic' changed lives.

And so they followed Him to a mountain, where He sat down, turned to face them, and put the whammy on them. He spoke what is recorded in Matthew 5-6-7, and the words had such intellectual and theological force as to be - surely - virtually incomprehensible, because they were spoken in no context the people had ever heard before.

We're all still trying to comprehend those words today because they turn how we think totally upside down.
But that's what Jesus does.

If we listen, He rocks our world with thinking that makes no sense -- except to the Most High God Who is setting out to accomplish the Most High purposes.

When is the last time God said something so profound that it turned you on your head? That it made you think, 'You want me to do what?' 'Say what?' 'Think how?'

The world is doing a great job of conditioning our minds. We must daily, constantly, not merely re-think, but Jesus-think. We must remember that He thought like no man, gave like no man, had power like no man. And we are not to live like other men. It all starts in the mind and moves to obedience.

Read 'The Sermon on the Mount' and ask God what He might be saying to you that would turn your thinking, and actions, upside down.

Shaping the Sexuality of Our Children -- How to Prepare their Hearts & Minds

Overarching↓

God’s overwhelmingly affirms sex. It doesn’t go from ‘wrong’ to ‘acceptable’ on your marriage day, it goes from ‘wrong’ to ‘right.’ It was God’s idea, thus God’s creation. He overwhelmingly affirms it Scripture, to the point of describing it in specific, profound personal-body-parts detail in Song of Solomon. He lays it out clearly.

God likes sex.

Key Question → Can you shape the sex life of your children before they become sexually active? Have you thought about it in that context?

Somebody is going to shape it, and the world is working at it real hard.

And the dialogue among kids at school is on-going.

They are getting ‘mental sexual input’ from OUTSIDE your home consistently. They MAY BE getting ‘visual sexual input’ from somewhere, because it is almost impossible to keep them from it. (Have you ever been in ‘Victoria’s Secret’? There’s no secret!)

Here’s the why-and-how you can shape the sex life of your children before you are married:

because you have the most access to the important sex organ they – and we – have --the mind.

In order to persuade their hearts and minds to a Godly sexual orientation, you have to have an ongoing, relational, honest dialogue. You not only have to enter into the conversation that IS GOING ON about sex, you have to lead it, drive it, direct it, take it over, and set the boundaries for the secondary conversations (those outside your parental ears).

‘The Talk’ Isn’t a ‘Talk’ – It’s an on-going conversation

Let me tell you what else it’s not:

• Not merely a ‘book’ – though you can give them books to supplement
• Not merely a ‘health class’
• Not merely a ‘Just Wait’ campaign/meeting, or a ‘Silver Ring Thing’ – They have to know – they demand to know (and they ought to) WHY they should wait
• It’s not about sexually transmitted disease or pregnancy

The Conversation starts with issues that are, on the surface, distinctly non-sexual.

Define Intimacy, realizing that it is NOT a distinctly sexual term. ‘Sexual intimacy’ is just one type of intimacy

Victor’s definition: Complete exposure. ‘Ideal Intimacy’ = Safe, comfortable, nurturing complete exposure.

Of course intimacy has levels, and as a relationship strengthens and grows the level should deepen.

Our kids are hungry for and in deep need of intimacy. If you don’t give them intimacy you’re going to increase their chance of seeking it the wrong way, and still not getting it. In fact, seeking it the wrong way will set them back, perhaps grievously and with permanent damage. Many – perhaps most – of us as parents know this. We’ll return to this in future classes.

Let me use a synonym – an incomplete-but-accurate one – for intimacy:
SAFETY

I explain to kids as they are growing up, or as I'm mentoring them, that there are 4 areas of their development in life:

• Emotional
• Spiritual
• Intellectual
• Physical

They absolutely all overlap, and they all fall under ‘Spiritual.’ And the ‘intellectual’ leads to the ‘emotional.’ And your emotional state tends to determine your actions. And sex is physical, and requires actions. Are you following me? If you want to influence what’s happening on the end of the equation, you better work with the beginning of the equation – the mind.

A healthy family has ‘intimacy’ in all four areas

Time-Out↓

In a culture of increasing perversity and thus increasing suspicion about the same, let me loosely define what I mean by ‘physical intimacy’ within a family. It should go without saying, but I’ll say it clearly anyway, that I’m not talking about anything sexual other than between husband and wife.

Beneath that there is appropriate gray area as to how parents and children interact on the physical level. But I think it’s very safe to assume that there is a non-sexual relaxed ‘standard’ in your own home with regard to personal physical appearance and interaction on normal physical activities and needs. Your still the parent, the children’s physical needs – no matter their age – are still your responsibility and there should be a mutual comfort level in that regard.

And frankly, that’s an important part of having laid a foundation of intimacy at home that frees you to discuss and shape thinking and actions on sexual intimacy.

Your children should already know there is physical ‘safety’ – and I don’t mean their protection from danger in this case – under your care, and that should ease the difficult of discussion of intimate physical issues, including sexual issues.

Now, back to the overall intimacy issue, if your children have a good understanding and experience of non-sexual intimacy, they will more easily make right choices about and transition – in marriage – appropriately to physical intimacy (which we also know is also emotional, intellectual and even spiritual).

When you tell your kids ‘don’t’, you better instead be telling them ‘why wait.’ And you better be dealing with the ‘heart’ elements. They have to have enough ‘emotional trust’ in you, enough experience at genuine familial intimacy on all four levels with you, to actually BELIEVE that what you tell them is what they should do even when they don’t understand, because when everything wakes up physically and they want sex bad enough, their lack of relationship experience - of life experience - is going to cause them to perhaps not really GET ‘why not?’

They run the risk of having sex for the same you continue eating donuts, or consuming whatever isn’t good for you – because it satisfies an immediate desire.

They have to be focused on God, and focused on their future mate. They’ve got to believe God and believe YOU. That means you have to have enough emotional and intellectual equity in their life that they don’t let their emotions drive their physical actions!

God’s Truth on all issues of life – especially the hard ones – should flow through you to them, so the experience of your interaction with them should validate the Gospel and empower them to wise choices.

This is the first of at least a five-week series.

Equippers Newsletter -- Adjustments, Standards, & a Sense of Our Own Need

Fellow Parents,

In week one of school, let's make sure to a) find lots of 'wins,' thus speaking very encouraging words; b) observe routines and schedules with a view toward necessary adjustments. Just like after the first game of the season, the 'coach' (you) sees a few more adjustments to make at this time; c) jump quickly on areas your child(ren) is struggling in, so they don't become discouraged. It's going to be a great year!

•  What are you teaching your children about the 'standard of living' they deserve? Are you trying to give them the 'absolute best of everything'? If so, why? I'm not necessarily challenging YOUR PERSONAL standard of living, but I am asking you to challenge yourself about how much you give your children, and thus what they expect. Sending our kids off to college or life as spoiled brats is a grave disservice to them. Working out this morning, I listened to Chip Ingram via I-pod and he said, "Often God has supplied our need, but we unconsciously tell Him at what standard of living He has to come through." Ooooh. I'm guilty!!
• My friend and prayer champion Paul Miller writes, "You don't need self-discipline to pray continually, you only need to be poor in spirit."

When you realize your complete lack of SELF-sufficiency, you will pray. When you hurt enough, you will pray. When your children are struggling, hurting or creating a crisis, you will pray. The state of being in which we don't pray much does not necessarily mean that everything is well in our life -- it might just mean that we don't recognize what is not well!

God is not mean, but He uses our recognition of our own inability to meet our needs to draw us close to Him, thus into prayer.

Are you teaching your children this? How, you might ask. By modeling it! Be a PRAYING family. Just stop and do it. Often. It will begin to come more naturally. The children will begin to participate more. Don't worry about looking, feeling or speaking awkwardly. You will sometimes. Big deal -- you're a family, you probably do 'awkward' things in front of each other all the time!

• 10 Things Your Teens Like to Hear. Not necessarily a Christian piece, but thought-provoking and overall encouraging: http://www.more4kids.info/1108/words-your-teen-would-like-to-hear/
• Managing routines at home is hard for many. Teach your children to do the hardest tasks first, because they require the most emotional and intellectual energy, and perhaps take the most time.
• Another secular piece -- I try not to use too many but 'all truth is God's truth' and sometimes they are informative and thought provoking. This one is on dealing helping your teen deal with break-ups. Of course, there is more that can be said from a Christ-centered perspective. http://www.more4kids.info/743/parenting-teens-broken-hearts/
• We should always be looking for smart questions to ask ourselves to drive introspective and reconsideration. Here's one: Parent educator Joe Bruzzese had a parent ask him, "How much responsibility should I take for my children's homework?"  Let me (Victor) answer with a question, "Who do you want to DO the homework?" I think we have to set clear schedules for when to do homework, set clear consequences for not doing homework, and offer support when there is genuine need of help/tutoring. But beware the lazy child who asks for help all the time. Let's re-posture the whole questions in this, future, context: When they are out of the house, how much responsibility are you going to take for their job?
• Great tips on helping your children converse properly, especially in conflict: http://infoforfamiliesblog.com/
• PARENTS OF HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS, tips on interacting with what your kids will study in Bible Fellowship this coming Sunday: http://biblestudy.studentlife.com/parent-page/f60d1bdcb2162cdeb410df75c27102aa

Real, or Religious? The Difference is Eternal

"For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." -- Matthew 5:20

In other words . . . .
If you're just religious like so many around you, you don't know Him.
If you do what you do out of obligation, so what?
If your heart isn't consistent with the Truth in your head, you missed it.

In a church age where so many churches reach nobody, where true mentoring/discipleship is often replaced by programming (if even that), where we love the lovely but conveniently shun others, we must filter our faith through this verse.

The scribes and Pharisees knew all the right stuff. And they were so puffed up about it that they disqualified themselves! They knew the rules, not the Ruler, therefore they could only get part of His intellect, but never His heart.

We all sometimes fail the 'why do you do what you do' test, but on a consistent basis it must be the passion of Christ that is flowing through us. That can only be known, experienced and passed on by intimate relationship with Him. What does 'intimate relationship' look like? No-holds-barred truth. Dealing with the most personal of topics. Going deep with God, and letting Him go deep with us.

When we do that, we encounter Him; not His rules, not a religion. Then He flows out of us, and He is seen, not us.

Remember, the Pharisees went to hell. They were an earthly imitation of the real thing. Artificial. Fake. Be real with God. Let Him get real with you. Then you can present the real God to a hurting world. Then you'll live in eternity with Him.

The 'Complete Jesus' Required for Complete Parenting

The 'Complete Jesus' Completes Parenting
Who is this Jesus and what does He have to do with your parenting?
How do you ‘present’ Jesus to your children?
      a) merely necessary for salvation
      b) teacher of moral truth
      c) God Himself who desires by the Holy Spirit to have personal, redemptive relationship that guides us into good works He has already prepared for us, with peace, power and purpose


Ed Stetzer recently warned a gathering of ministers to beware of ‘moralistic deism.’ That is the idea that we have to be good because there is a God up there watching.

God is watching. But He’s not Big Brother, and He’s not merely ‘up there.’ God entered into man’s life, and walked with Him, and loved Him.

What does this have to do with parenting? Absolutely everything. Who is the perfect Father? Who do we want to model as parents?

‘Moralistic Deism’ is NOT the Gospel we want to give our children. While most 17-year-olds aren’t saying, ‘Just one more year and I can go off to college and escape this church stuff,’ it is still true that the ones we’ll lose – that is, the one’s who won’t passionately serve Jesus and live our His purposes – are the ones who see Him as nothing but Big Brother with a crown on.

We must introduce our children to a relational God who wants to be in their lives!

And isn’t it a profoundly encouraging thing to you that God does want to be in your children’s lives? I shudder to think how my kids would do if all they had to go on was my worldly wisdom.

But God gives me wisdom, and I can pass it on to them, AND He gives them wisdom.

In order to get wisdom from God, you have to be seeking it.

So the clear question before us, the key question that informs whether we are actually equipping our children, is ‘Are you – parent – walking with Christ, and thus receiving from Him wisdom and counsel to pass on to your children, and are you passing it on?”

They are highly unlikely to get what you don’t!

Stetzer wasn’t speaking of parents – but it applies – when he said, “We are a little guilty of offering an incomplete Jesus and an incomplete Gospel. Are we speaking the Gospel and marrying it with lives around us? We are not validating the Gospel with lives lived well!”

Parents, are you ‘validating’ the Gospel you tell your children to follow, with lives lived well?

‘The Gospel’ – Christ – stepped INTO our lives. Stetzer says, speaking of the next generation of which our children are a part, ‘Step into the room’ instead of inviting young adults to come out of it.

What are the ramifications of this ideas for parenting? (discussion)

The Complete Gospel → The Complete Parent → The Complete Child

Transition into↓

Deuteronomy 5 (underline emphasis mine; bold is commentary)

1 And Moses called all Israel, and said to them: "Hear, O Israel, the statutes and judgments which I speak in your hearing today, that you may learn them and be careful to observe them. 2 The Lord our God made a covenant with us in Horeb. 3 The Lord did not make this covenant with our fathers, but with us, those who are here today, all of us who are alive. 4 The Lord talked with you face to face on the mountain from the midst of the fire.—Personal contact, me-to-you, direct, more meaningful, ‘not to x’ but to you 5 I stood between the Lord and you at that time, to declare to you the word of the Lord; for you were afraid because of the fire, and you did not go up the mountain. He said:

6 'I am the Lord your God who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage.- indebtedness -7 'You shall have no other gods before Me. I did this; no one else. You couldn’t save yourself. Now, here’s what I ask. 8 'You shall not make for yourself a carved image--any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; PERSONAL God; images are religious, God is personal 9 you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, see previous; I did this, not x, and now this. . . visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, backwards saying do this in part to bless your children . . .’so that it is well with you. . .’ 10 but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments. Stark contrast – do this and win, do that and lose

Summary of v.s 1-10

Teaching children, overarching, the nature of God

a) Rescuer – exclusive ability to rescue – v. 6 – explain verse application

An overarching principle of this class is that in everything we learn, we consider how to teach it to our children, so how do we teach out children about God as Rescuer? (discussion) Besides reading to them and explaining verses that show Him as rescuer, we can simply look for teachable moments. Let me preface an example by reminding you that YOU are the first god-image to your children, especially as they are younger. For a small child in particular, it would be completely natural, in a moment when you ‘rescue’ your child – for instance, from the out-of-control swing, the too-high slide, the creek they can’t quite cross – to remind them light-heartedly, ‘God rescues us through our troubles just like I’m rescuing you from this run-away Merry go round!”

How do we teach a similar concept to middle schoolers? How do you ‘rescue’ them? Spending 2 hours cramming for a test? Remembering something crucial they were about to forget? Simply think ‘teachable moments’ all the time. As parents, we do lots of rescuing!

b) Personal – v. 4, v. 8, v. 9 – explain verse application

Teaching our children about God being a personal God really shouldn’t be so complicated. When God is ‘personal’ with you – when He tells you something, comforts you, encourages you, blesses you – use some of those examples with your children. Develop the habit of saying, ‘Today God (spoke to me about, comforting me this way, encouraged me in . . . etc.) and He can do the same with you.’ Sometimes when you have a more personal, intimate moment with your children, remind them, ‘God is even more personal than we are the more we get to know Him.’ SHOW them God’s personal interaction, explain it to them, and facilitate them having the same, by creating opportunity and expectation in your household of quiet time and interaction with God.’

c) Desires to bless FAMILIES, flipside of v .9b is 10 – explain verse application -- our family is deeply affected!

It is vital that we communicate with our kids that God created the family, loves our family, and has purpose for our family. This happens we have God at the meal table, i.e, He is frequently the center of discussions. When what the family is going to do – the schedule, the activities, the vacations, etc. – we discuss it in the context of what God would have us do.

d) Firm in principles – v. 10, ‘who . . . keep my commandments’

God doesn’t negotiate. He loves. He forgives. He encourages. He isn’t mean or cold. He simply doesn’t negotiate. His blessing are for those who ‘keep my commandments.’ How do we teach this to our children? In the essentials, we don’t negotiate either. We lovingly draw lines and keep them. We say, ‘In our home, we don’t do X’, or ‘Y’ doesn’t happen.’ Then if it does, it has a consequence. We use God’s firm standards as the guide for our standards, and we regularly communicate to our children – especially to middle schoolers, who are forming life-shaping opinions – that God’s standards are the rationale behind ours.

In all of the above, teaching our children is as simple as having in mind specific things you want to teach and being aware of teachable moments. They’ll come, sometimes many times a day!

While that requires some thoughtful preparation on your part, the best news is that because God wants you to teach these things to your family, the Holy Spirit is there to help you observe the teachable moments, and help you put into words what you want to communicate. Ask Him for help and trust Him!

What Your Middle Schoolers Heard in Bible Fellowship Sunday

A message on how Jesus calls them to live radical lives, lives the world would think are odd. The messages challenges them to consciously seek to impact the World.

Follow-up/Discussion starters:
• What kind of dreams do you have of impacting the world?
• What kind of gifts, passions, etc., do you think God has given you that He can use to impact the world?
• What’s one way you can be ‘different in a Godly way’ this week at school that can impact your peers?
• What do you think our family can do to make a radical difference?

Equippers Newsletter -- Making the Most of 'Back to School'

‘Back to School’ time should be a time of renewal and revival in our families. Let me suggest some distinct ways to help your family be ‘on the mark’ for the school year.


1) Have a back-to-school discussion with each individual child. Ask questions like, ‘What are you looking forward to most?’ ‘Least?’ ‘What do you want to see go differently than last year?’ ‘How can you make better friend choices than last year?’ (If relevant). ‘How do you think Christ wants to use you to influence people this year?’ With each of these questions, being prepared through prayer to have constructive dialogue, coach and instruct. Your goal is to encourage, excite and prepare the child, to have them focused on the purposes of being in school, and on the influence they can have.

2) Work with your spouse to have a clear plan for the school year. As some of the same questions of each other that are above, and come up with a clear understanding of how you want the routines to work this year, and what you want the priorities to be. Then give teeth to these matters with real changes. Some common issues are a) wise time management by kids (and parents); b) priorities of school vs. activities/privileges; c) over-commitment to outside activities; d) poor management of bed time/get up time and eating habits; e) unclear expectations from parents of grade performance.

3) Besides your individual meetings, have a family meeting where changes are set forth, but – as importantly – where the school year is committed to the Lord. Make it a meaningful time of fellowship, worship and commitment. Use verses such as, “The heart of the prudent acquires knowledge,, and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge” (Prov. 18:15), explaining that knowledge means deeply knowing and understanding, and pray that is what your children and acquire academically and spiritually in the coming year. Have a meaningful prayer time where everyone prays, and the parent(s) especially pray God’s blessings for their children, and their children’s teachers and friends this year.


4) Considering having a ‘back to school party’ for your kids friends, but put some real meet into it. Pray over them and for them. Break the children into small groups and give them discussion questions, or complete-the-sentence exercises. Topics above are a good guideline. This time may have to be brief in the context of a party, but at least it focuses the group on the school year and makes them think.

The bottom line: Don’t just rush into another school year without a plan. Reconsider last year, seek God for adjustments, put them before your children, and commit the year to our Lord. Your children spend at least 35 hours at week at school – we need God’s hand in all of this!

• A little perspective for our families. Please read and share with your children. http://www.bpnews.net/BPnews.asp?ID=31024
• Words hurt – or heal. Families are always wrestling with words. Check out this great 7-day challenge; you could adapt it to be a challenge for your family. http://jdgreear.typepad.com/my_weblog/2009/08/the-7-day-challenge.html
• Judy and I are consistently reconsidering how much technology – and access thereto – is too much for our kids. Please consider this insight: http://www.familymatters.net/blog/template_permalink.asp?id=113
• More on technology, informative secular research: http://www.commonsensemedia.org/teen-social-media
• More JD Greaer, and a great quote/discussion starter for our families: “Gossip: saying behind one’s back what you would never say to their face. Flattery: saying two one’s face what you would never say behind them.”

Share Scripture with your children today! It’s YOUR responsibility, not merely the church’s.

Surrender Plus Focus Equals Life!

As a follower of Christ, you and I cannot afford to run out of spiritual power. Many, many ‘ministers of the Gospel’ (vocational or not) have this experience regularly, and turn to our Lord for renewal. (I fear, however, from what I observe, that many are operating on their own power in the first place, and don’t even realize it. But that is a different subject).

Recently the ‘stresses of life’ combined with the ‘busyness of life’ to obscure my judgment and cause me to squeeze out my time with the Lord. My bad. Very bad. By Thursday I was in trouble and in need of much wallowing in the Word!

As I read the Word and considered the uncertainties of life – the health of many, the expectations of more, the wants of yet more – two verses kept resonating. One a time:

“If you try to keep your life for yourself you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake . . . you will find true life.” – Mark 8:35.

First of all, we are bought with a price, and are called to be God’s slave. Instead, most of us spend our time trying to build our earthly life into a haven. We are not home! Therefore, spending so much time and energy fixing up our ‘home’ is a profound waste of God’s precious power and purpose. I’m not saying to take a vow of earthly hell, I’m just reminded that my focus is to be up and beyond, as on His purposes and promises. God used my 14-year-old daughter Caryn to remind me of this on Friday when she remarked that her Bible reading has been focused on Revelation of late, and she remarked extensively on the fact that we are not home.

Second, whenever we try to keep our life for ourselves, we are playing God. This is sin. This idolatry, with the man in the mirror as the idol! We think, ‘This one just has to live,’ or, ‘I have to get that job,’ or ‘He or she just has to see it my way.’ No. The patient may die, you may be out off work, and I may never be agreed with (or my blog read :) ). And God will not be caught off guard by any of it! It’s not ‘our life;’ it’s His.

Third, to give up our life is to accept His, which means accepting His purpose and power. We have NO power to make happen what we merely want to make happen, but we have GREAT POWER TO DO WHAT HE TELLS US TO DO.

Thus, taking on His purpose – in every detail of life – is the way to peace and joy, which is really what we are all selfishly seeking anyway. Our loving Father desires to give good gifts to His children. If we’ll just stop trying to run our own lives, at the point of surrender that we arrive there, we’ll begin to move into His purpose, power and peace.

Next verse:

”You will keep in perfect peace Him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You.”
– Isaiah 26:3

The problem is always our thinking. Thinking right leads to feeling right leads to acting right. There’s your psychology degree. How to think right? The mind of Christ, to the extent He chose to give it to us, is in the Word. So the question to ask when faced with any question is, “What does the Word of God say that informs us how to (deal with, answer, etc.) X.’

“whose mind is steadfast” means one whose mind is on God and the things of God and the Word of God! When I am failing, I am not focusing well. When I am fearing, attacking, etc., I am not focusing well.

One “whose mind is steadfast” trusts God. If your mind wanders for a long, your trust wandered. A brief wandering can be distraction – but if you walk with the Spirit He will draw you back. But many do not walk with the Spirit, do not recognize His calling, and wander far, far away.

The older I get, the simpler (in terms of complexity, not necessarily difficulty of execution) walking with Christ becomes.

That’s my rant for the day. Think right!

Equippers Newsletter -- Discussion Starters & Help for Those Who Talk Too Much!

• Print this and share with everyone in your family, then discuss. Strong stuff that is relevant to every home RIGHT NOW. http://www.navpress.com/magazines/archives/article.aspx?id=11941

• A thought-provoking commentary on girl relationships. Worth mining for some conversation starters. http://anniefox.com/parents/parents_5-06.html
• Following is a quote from a father whose family was very active in church. This comes from Steve Wright and Chris Graves’ outstanding book, ‘A Parent Privilege,’ which I strongly recommend. They were there almost every Wednesday and Saturday. They were described as ‘core’ members of the church. In his mid-50s, when the kids were raised, he reflected and said, “As my wife and I were raising our boys I realized that we believed that our job was to bring our boys to church. We truly believed that if we could find a good youth program and keep our children active, then they would continue to serve Christ. We realize now that this belief system, no matter how earnestly we believed it, did not hold true for us. Our two adult children now in their thirties are no longer walking with Christ. We brought them to church, dropped them off at their program, and ran off to serve in other places, all the while honestly believing we were doing the right thing. I wish that someone had told us that the responsibility of discipling our children was ours, not a pastor’s. I wish we would have known.”

You’ve just been told, or reminded. You know. We are here to help equip you.

DISCUSSION STARTERS follow.
 So start discussions! Throughout the discussion, ask the Holy Spirit to guide you, as these will be teachable moments.

• “Friendly, open-hearted people make the best evangelists.” – Steven Sjogren. This is perfectly consistent with ‘relational’ evangelism. Do you know any lost people? Are you intentionally, as a family, working to reach neighbors or those in your life pattern who don’t know Him? Do you even have a life pattern that takes you anywhere where there are lost people? Consider. Discuss as a family.
• “People who were nothing like Jesus, liked Jesus. And Jesus liked people who were nothing like Him. If we are the body. . . “ – Andy Stanley. Another discussion starter in the home. What are the thoughts’ implications for your lives?
• From AwanaParents on Twitter: Ask your kids at dinner or bedtime to think of at least one person in the Bible who obeyed Mom or Dad, and discuss it.
• Rick Warren: “To look past behavior and see the hunger and hurt in others you must spend time with them! It takes CONTACT lenses.”

FINALLY, If you're on twitter, let me know so I can follow you. If you want to follow me, I'm VictorLee.

I love you guys!

Will Your Light Rise in the Darkness?

Isaiah 58 is amazing, in part because it proves the timelessness of God. It reads as if it applies RIGHT NOW, because it applies RIGHT NOW. Mere proof that people haven’t changed in however many years you want to argue we’ve been around.


The text is below, in case you’re not familiar, but here’s the overarching theme: Don’t mock God. Do justice among the people, and then He will honor and bless you.

Put another way: Honor God first, for HIS purposes and HIS glory, instead of honoring yourselves first.

When we got up this morning, each of us had a decision to make: honor and glorify the person in the mirror, or honor and glorify God. Please Him, or please me. So the simple question each day – each moment – is, ‘What does my Father want?’ Then do it.

It will all be well with our soul if we do.

Following the text is my more detailed teaching notes on 58:6-10, in case you want to study further.

1 "Cry aloud, spare not; Lift up your voice like a trumpet; Tell My people their transgression, And the house of Jacob their sins. 2 Yet they seek Me daily, And delight to know My ways, As a nation that did righteousness, And did not forsake the ordinance of their God. They ask of Me the ordinances of justice; They take delight in approaching God.


3 'Why have we fasted,' they say, 'and You have not seen? Why have we afflicted our souls, and You take no notice?' "In fact, in the day of your fast you find pleasure, And exploit all your laborers. 4 Indeed you fast for strife and debate, And to strike with the fist of wickedness. You will not fast as you do this day, To make your voice heard on high. 5 Is it a fast that I have chosen, A day for a man to afflict his soul? Is it to bow down his head like a bulrush, And to spread out sackcloth and ashes? Would you call this a fast, And an acceptable day to the Lord? 6 "Is this not the fast that I have chosen: To loose the bonds of wickedness, To undo the heavy burdens, To let the oppressed go free, And that you break every yoke? 7 Is it not to share your bread with the hungry, And that you bring to your house the poor who are cast out; When you see the naked, that you cover him, And not hide yourself from your own flesh?


8 Then your light shall break forth like the morning, Your healing shall spring forth speedily, And your righteousness shall go before you; The glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard. 9 Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; You shall cry, and He will say, 'Here I am.' "If you take away the yoke from your midst, The pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness, 10 If you extend your soul to the hungry And satisfy the afflicted soul, Then your light shall dawn in the darkness, And your darkness shall be as the noonday. 11 The Lord will guide you continually, And satisfy your soul in drought, And strengthen your bones; You shall be like a watered garden, And like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. 12 Those from among you Shall build the old waste places; You shall raise up the foundations of many generations; And you shall be called the Repairer of the Breach, The Restorer of Streets to Dwell In.


13 "If you turn away your foot from the Sabbath, From doing your pleasure on My holy day, And call the Sabbath a delight, The holy day of the Lord honorable, And shall honor Him, not doing your own ways, Nor finding your own pleasure, Nor speaking your own words, 14 Then you shall delight yourself in the Lord; And I will cause you to ride on the high hills of the earth, And feed you with the heritage of Jacob your father. The mouth of the Lord has spoken."

Isaiah 58:6-10
“If we put away the yoke from our midst, the pointing of the finger and malicious talk, and if we extend our souls to the hungry and satisfy the afflicted soul, then our light will rise in the darkness, and our gloom will become like the noonday.”

Construction → If ‘A’ then ‘B’

If ‘we put away the yoke from our midst’

What is a ‘yoke?’ A heavy burden. Something that constrains us.

In this case, the yoke is:

1. accusing others
2. talking badly about others

The Word says these things are ‘yokes.’ They are ‘heavy burdens.’ They constrain us.

How much of this do you hear in your household?

It doesn’t say these yokes constrain other people! But us. Twice the passage references ‘darkness’ or ‘gloom.’ Clearly, it means that when we are accusing others and talking badly about others, we are living in darkness. Darkness is a euphemism for ‘sin.’

How do we affect the hearts and minds of those we influence to stop or curtail such talk. Point out the damage it does; point out the Biblical mandate. Don't be a wimp -- graciously but clearly CALL PEOPLE ON IT.
And if we ‘extend our souls to the hungry
And ‘satisfy the afflicted soul’
Extend our ‘soul’

Soul is ‘substance or being’; the very core of you. YOU. Who you are. The heart of you.

This is inreach to hurting in the body and outreaching to hurting who don’t know what they need to eternally fill the hunger. They don’t know what they hunger for!

We must choose to quit talking about so-and-so and reach out to them. This is calling us to do the hardest thing sometimes – minister to someone we don’t like.

Satisfy the afflicted soul

To ‘satisfy’ indicates not to merely ‘reach out’ but to stick with until completion. This is not always in our control, but our effort to do this is. What satisfies? (Christ)

Hurting people need attention

THEN (transition, contrast)

Our light will rise in the darkness; Our gloom will become like the noonday

“Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.” – Matthew 5:16


In summary:
If ‘A’ then ‘B’

If (‘A’)(A precondition, a prerequisite)
we put away the yoke
       the pointing of the finger (accusing others)
       malicious talk (talking bad about others)

(and)

we extend our souls to the hungry (give to hurting people)
satisfy the afflicted soul (stick with hurting people)

THEN (B)(the result of meeting the prerequisite)

Our light will rise in the darkness
Our gloom will become like the noonday

What do you desire to be? If the answer is ‘lights in the darkness’ – which the answer must be if you claim to be Christ’s – then this verse has meaning for us and demands obedience.

Motivation & Management of Holy Living

I Peter 1:13-26

13 Therefore, get your minds ready for action, being self-disciplined, and set your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 14 As obedient children, do not be conformed to the desires of your former ignorance 15 but, as the One who called you is holy, you also are to be holy in all your conduct; 16 for it is written, Be holy, because I am holy. 17 And if you address as Father the One who judges impartially based on each one's work, you are to conduct yourselves in reverence during this time of temporary residence. 18 For you know that you were redeemed from your empty way of life inherited from the fathers, not with perishable things, like silver or gold, 19 but with the precious blood of Christ, like that of a lamb without defect or blemish. 20 He was destined before the foundation of the world, but was revealed at the end of the times for you 21 who through Him are believers in God, who raised Him from the dead and gave Him glory, so that your faith and hope are in God. 22 By obedience to the truth, having purified yourselves for sincere love of the brothers, love one another earnestly from a pure heart, 23 since you have been born again--not of perishable seed but of imperishable--through the living and enduring word of God.


24 For All flesh is like grass, and all its glory like a flower of the grass. The grass withers, and the flower drops off, 25 but the word of the Lord endures forever. And this is the word that was preached as the gospel to you.

REVIEW OF LAST WEEK

1 Peter presents us with a thorough yet concise explanation of how we are to live. It gives us eternal context and specific instruction. In short, this is an ‘executive summary’ of the truth about living for Christ.

Oswald Chambers writes: “The teachings of Jesus are all out of proportion when compared to our natural way of looking at things, and they come to us initially with astonishing discomfort.”

Larry Crabb writes, “The choice before us is rather stark: either to live to be comfortable (internally and externally, but especially internally), or live to know God. We can’t have it both ways; one choice excludes the other.”

In (1 Peter 1) verse six we are reminded to rejoice over this salvation, and then come the vital words, “though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials.”

“For a little while” -- temporary. Even if earthly ‘permanent,’ ALL discomfort and pain is only a nano-second of eternity, and hwe have eternity with God!

”if need be” – according to God’s grander purposes. And this also would indicate that His purpose is NOT to hurt us, though He is willing that we be hurt (all caused by sin anyway) “if need be”

When you are hurting, and it seems unwarranted, or it seems unfair, or it just hurts! Perhaps you should remember this verse and say, “It must need be”

We are tested so that we can show our faith. It’s as simple as that. Hard, yes, but simple.

Overwhelmingly in life, we are saved ‘through’ hardship, not ‘from’ it.
Five Aspects of Holy Living
† The Motivation for Holy Living
The Motivation for Holy Living is in part what we explained last week, the two aspects being A) understanding why we suffer hardships. Remember what Pastor Sager says, ‘If you can understand ‘why,’ you can live with almost any ‘how.’ B) Profound appreciation for and perspective of the great eternity that awaits us in heaven with our Lord.

V. 13 reads in part, “set your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ”

Our motivation to serve will be unhindered when we can focus, focus, focus on the TRUTH about Who He is, who we are, what He’s done for us, and what is to come. When we will stop resting our hope on ANYTHING except the hope of Christ and the glory to come, we will find ‘holy living’ to be right where we are!

The ‘Left Behind’ of Holy Living
There are a lot of things we have to leave behind in order to live holy. They are things we have to leave behind. V.s 18-19 read, “For you know that you were redeemed from your empty way of life inherited from the fathers, not with perishable things, like silver or gold, but with the precious blood of Christ, like that of a lamb without defect or blemish.”

The most challenging question I have for you today – the thing you have to consider in your life and your families’ life – is what are the ‘empty’ ways of life, habits, actions, past-priorities, that you have to ‘leave behind.’

I challenge you to go home and do an inventory of the things you and your family do that simply don’t fit in with Holy Living. If you leave them behind, I think you’ll find after a very little while that a) your walk with the Lord is much closer and thus you see and know Him moving in and through you more; b) it wasn’t as hard as you thought!

He made you for holy living. You can do it!

So you have to a) be rightly motivated; b) purposefully leave some things behind.

The ‘Moving Ahead’ of Holy Living

V. 13 reads in part, “Therefore (i.e., because you understand why you live and why you suffer, because you ‘get it’ about the glory to come, because you’re rightly motivated, therefore . . ) get your minds ready for action, being self-disciplined . . . “

Note that is says ‘self-discipline.’ Our Heavenly Father tells us the truth. He tells us what we ought to do. He allows circumstances and bad things to be used to move us to obedient. But He does not make us obey!

You and I will be SELF-disciplined when our hearts and minds catch up with the truth of what Christ has done for us! We will be ‘ready for action’! Go home, and after you contemplate what to be left behind, contemplate what has to come in.

Where have you been, where are you going, and what have you been hauling around that you don’t need for the rest of the journey? Adjust. Take action. Leave this, and start that!

The ‘How To’ of Holy Living
You are obeying someone. It may be yourself, but you are obeying someone. I can’t count the times I’ve said to my children, ‘If you will trust and obey me, it will go well with you.’ You’ve said it, too, even if not in those exact words.

So how do we live this holy life? V. 22: “By obedience to the truth, having purified your yourselves for sincere love of the brothers, love one another earnestly from a pure heart.” Then it goes on in v. 23 to explain again why you should be so motivated. Throughout 1 Peter, especially this ‘execute summary’ of why and how to walk with Christ, Peter keeps reminding us of the motivation, the reason, the purpose, for living as we are called to live. If we keep that front and center, we can do it.

We must live by “obedience to truth.” That means you leave out of your life the things that aren’t true, and you put in the truth by steady meditation on the Word of God. This results in ‘purifying yourselves’ and leads to sincere love from a pure heart. That verse doesn’t literally say that a leads to b leads to c, but it does, and I believe that’s why the sequence is as it is.

At this stage of life, I hope you don’t need much more motivation for WHY to live by the Word of God, but in case you do, let’s finish 1 Peter 1:

“All flesh is like grass (you aren’t going to make it long here on earth apart from Christ)

And all its glory like a flower of the grass (the biggest superstar isn’t to Jesus)

The grass withers (you’ll check out quick enough)

And the flower drops off (with your hair, your good looks –- you’re fading)

But the Word of the Lord endures forever.” (Well, that ought to settle that!)

So what do you want to go with? What do you want your family to go with? God commands Holy Living. He has given you the motivation and the power, in addition to His command. It's up to you!

Equippers Newsletter -- Relationship Reality

What are you teaching your children about what to expect from their relationship within your family? Don’t short-change this question – it is very important. How you posture yourself as a parent – how you teach your children to posture themselves as children, siblings and friends – is vital to whether the genuine love and transformation of Christ can flow through. In fact, it shouldn’t be ‘posturing’ at all, but much of what we self-centered humans do is just that. Chambers taught, “Our Lord is so obviously uncompromising with regard to every human relationship because He knows that every relationship not based on faithfulness to Himself will end in disaster. Our Lord trusted no one, and never placed His faith in people, yet He was never suspicious or bitter.”
Let’s flesh this out a bit. Should we expect our children to trust us? Of course. But will we let them down at times, fail, make wrong decisions, have outbursts? Well, as I like to tell the parents I teach, “I live where you live, and vice-versa” so if you live at my place, you’ll mess up! So can they trust us? In a sense, no, because we’re failed beings, but they can trust the intent of our heart to the extent that we walk with Christ daily. If that is what is coming through – and we show that we are consistently seeking God and striving to serve our children – then His love will outpace our failures.

We must strike a careful, Godly, balance based on complete honesty. We must teach our children that our home is the ‘safe place’ emotionally, spiritually, intellectually and physically, but that the ultimate Protector – the One truly worthy to trust – is God. We must present God as ‘perfect Father,’ and speak to them of Him in that context. We must be humble enough to admit that we make mistakes consistently, but that by His authority they are still under our authority and protection and that He will ultimately cover it all.

I consistently tell my children that -- with regard to discipline decisions, or how we speak, or decisions about what they can and can’t do -- Judy and I expect to be right the overwhelming majority of the time, but that when we’re wrong, they simply get some practice at forgiveness! It’s not a smart-aleck remark – though I say it jokingly sometimes – it’s a serious point.

If we raise our children to see God as ‘Ultimate Father,’ and they see us in vibrant relationship to Him; if we are not too proud to admit mistakes without surrendering leadership, our children will not grow up and use every mistake we made as an excuse for failure, but they will grow up with a realistic view of fallen-but-redeemed man. And we will have served them well.

Other thoughts, links, etc.

• "Depend upon it, God's work, done in God's way, will never lack God's supply." - Hudson Taylor. In the context of this quote, what is it you are doing that simply isn’t working? You either aren’t supposed to be doing that, or you aren’t doing it God’s way. Carefully ask Him which. Don’t make a rash decision, just listen. Parents, Parents, you don’t have time for what He didn’t tell you to do! As I say to my kids 243 times a day, ‘FOCUS.’ (Meanwhile I have answered five e-mails while writing this blog . . .)

• When only He can help, I’m glad (in my spirit, not necessarily in my human nature) because anything less than Him would have been inadequate and would have most likely result in more failure, extended grief/pain/suffering, and a repeating of the cycle designed to draw me back to Him. We humans resist ultimate surrender, but it is the path to ultimate healing and freedom. Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 1 that he felt the sentence of death – I believe he meant that he had just as soon be dead as alive. After all, he stated that sentiment in other places – but that he felt that sentence so that Christ might display His power. Are you scared when you hit rock bottom? That’s human nature. But we have to be willing to be scared, willing to let go, in order to discover the place where takes over. It’s scary-good place, the place of renewal and supernatural power. I’ve talked to several people – including parents of teens – this week who appear to be at ‘rock bottom.’ It is fork-in-the-road time. Pray they will trust God’s strength. And do the same yourself.

• Check out http://www.alvinreid.com/. The second (currently, could be deeper depending on when you read this) blog entry, ‘Suggested Reading for Middle School Students.’ Alvin is a mentor and good friend. Check him out, and give your kids some meaningful reading material.