'World vs. Word' in Shaping Your Child's Sexuality

5th in a Series on Shaping Your Child's Sexuality
Review John 17:15-19
The bottom line summary: You are not residents of earth, just as Jesus is not. You are here, at His bidding, to be His slave, to accomplish His purposes. You live in a constant state of spiritual growth (sanctification) that is accomplished by the Word of God washing over and through your life, correcting, instructing and inspiring.

It is in that context that we raise our children. One major aspect of life on earth, in this foreign place, is sexuality, because sensuality and this sexuality have become a God to the people of this world. It is a self-God, an idol, and Satan masquerades in it as true intimacy. The enemy has perverted a beautiful thing. Our challenge is to put it in the context of 'beautiful' for our children.
The impossible job: To keep the world out of our children while putting our children in the world to make a difference.

Be careful too far to one side, and you really are a religious zealot.
But be too loose to the other, and you really are making the road wider and more dangerous for your children.

We can’t build too many walls, or we can’t fulfill the No. 2 reason we exist: to fulfill His purposes! (The first reason is to give Him glory, which you can argue is the same as the second reason because if you fulfill His purposes you give Him glory! But that’s another message).

Where are we ‘careful’ and where are we not? What is inappropriately ‘sexualized’ that draws our children the wrong way, and what is simply appropriate exposure to life, reality, the human body, the interaction of men and women, and education about the interaction of man and woman in marriage?

Overarching question→ What is appropriate sexualization for a middle schooler a) at home; b) socially; c) in dating. Work to come up with real answers and use them to help guide your plan! Note that this whole teaching series on sexuality is not designed to give you the answers to the test, but to give you the questions, point you to the text book, and ask you to put the answer in your own words to your children as the Spirit leads!

Examples of the 'tension' we face:

When they are 14, do we pretend with our children that the opposite sex doesn’t exist?
Or do we endorse them snuggling up on the couch with a boyfriend, holding hands, with a kiss being our ‘limit’ to enforce? Aren’t BOTH making you uncomfortable right now?

Do we as parents display to our kids in our affections, attitudes and conversation toward each other that we’ve had sex the exact number of times as the number of kids in the household, or do we openly acknowledge and even playfully (not meaning crudely) speak about our romantic life?

Do we blindly assume our children are never going to have an orgasm – not to mention sex --until their wedding night? Or do we actually discuss what one is and whether it is acceptable for that to occur before marriage? Or do we take an in-active in-between role that assumes ‘they’ll figure that out on their own;’ and is there anything wrong with that attitude (since they probably will figure that out on their own)?
Understanding Where You’re Starting From
Are You a Prude, Pragmatic or Progressive
When it Comes to Shaping Your Child’s Sexuality

A Prude sticks their head in the sand, at worst, and at best speaks self-righteous-sounding platitudes that offend the mind and miss the heart. In either case, they set their kid up for disaster.

What to do if you’re a prude: back up, take a deep breath and a long look, and completely re-approach. Deal with your own sexual issues on a spiritual (forgiveness; adjustment) level. Have honest dialogue with your spouse. Own your struggles and begin an open dialogue with a progressive about how to change, including specific next steps.

A Pragmatic thinks, ‘I better do and say something about sex’ out of obligation, or defense, and of course out of genuine love, but they really don’t want to personally engage because they are defensive and scared. So they draw boundaries without heart- and head-engaging explanation, they give books that explain plumbing apart from emotions, and they hope for the best. They won’t get it.

What to do if you’re a pragmatic: tie the heart to the matter. You’ve been willing to engage the issue, now be willing to be vulnerable and ‘uncomfortable’ taking the conversation to the heart level. Talk about it with a progressive.

A Progressive anticipates the dialogue, prayerfully and thoughtfully prepares to engage and equip their child, maintains open dialogue with their spouse about the issue, and never, ever leaves their child thinking sex is a dirty word or something to fear. Why do they leave them thinking it is nothing to fear? Because they give it proper CONTEXT, relationally and to the Word of God, and they SHOW that context in their life with their spouse. A progressive’s children have the best chance to grow into a Biblical sexuality.

What to do if you’re a progressive: keep growing, and find a prude or pragmatic to help! Make yourself available. Actually begin/drive dialogue with other parents on the issue; you might change their kids’ lives.

What are the guiding principles that determine where you as a parent land in the continuums above? And what will you do from here? Below are suggested steps to work through as parent(s).

• Consider whether you are naïve, and reject it if you are
• Write down a series of questions, issues or concerns regarding sex and your child
• Search the Word and its guiding principles for application to each
• Consider ‘practical’ (day-to-day, pragmatic, contextualized) answers/solutions for same
• Merge the Biblical and the ‘practical’ into an ‘action plan’ for each issue/question
• Prioritize order of dealing with questions/issues/concerns
• Carefully considering the state of your relationship with your child with regard to deeply personal physical/emotional issues, make a plan for beginning the dialogue (not having a mere ‘talk’) with your child