Equippers Newsletter -- Relationship Reality

What are you teaching your children about what to expect from their relationship within your family? Don’t short-change this question – it is very important. How you posture yourself as a parent – how you teach your children to posture themselves as children, siblings and friends – is vital to whether the genuine love and transformation of Christ can flow through. In fact, it shouldn’t be ‘posturing’ at all, but much of what we self-centered humans do is just that. Chambers taught, “Our Lord is so obviously uncompromising with regard to every human relationship because He knows that every relationship not based on faithfulness to Himself will end in disaster. Our Lord trusted no one, and never placed His faith in people, yet He was never suspicious or bitter.”
Let’s flesh this out a bit. Should we expect our children to trust us? Of course. But will we let them down at times, fail, make wrong decisions, have outbursts? Well, as I like to tell the parents I teach, “I live where you live, and vice-versa” so if you live at my place, you’ll mess up! So can they trust us? In a sense, no, because we’re failed beings, but they can trust the intent of our heart to the extent that we walk with Christ daily. If that is what is coming through – and we show that we are consistently seeking God and striving to serve our children – then His love will outpace our failures.

We must strike a careful, Godly, balance based on complete honesty. We must teach our children that our home is the ‘safe place’ emotionally, spiritually, intellectually and physically, but that the ultimate Protector – the One truly worthy to trust – is God. We must present God as ‘perfect Father,’ and speak to them of Him in that context. We must be humble enough to admit that we make mistakes consistently, but that by His authority they are still under our authority and protection and that He will ultimately cover it all.

I consistently tell my children that -- with regard to discipline decisions, or how we speak, or decisions about what they can and can’t do -- Judy and I expect to be right the overwhelming majority of the time, but that when we’re wrong, they simply get some practice at forgiveness! It’s not a smart-aleck remark – though I say it jokingly sometimes – it’s a serious point.

If we raise our children to see God as ‘Ultimate Father,’ and they see us in vibrant relationship to Him; if we are not too proud to admit mistakes without surrendering leadership, our children will not grow up and use every mistake we made as an excuse for failure, but they will grow up with a realistic view of fallen-but-redeemed man. And we will have served them well.

Other thoughts, links, etc.

• "Depend upon it, God's work, done in God's way, will never lack God's supply." - Hudson Taylor. In the context of this quote, what is it you are doing that simply isn’t working? You either aren’t supposed to be doing that, or you aren’t doing it God’s way. Carefully ask Him which. Don’t make a rash decision, just listen. Parents, Parents, you don’t have time for what He didn’t tell you to do! As I say to my kids 243 times a day, ‘FOCUS.’ (Meanwhile I have answered five e-mails while writing this blog . . .)

• When only He can help, I’m glad (in my spirit, not necessarily in my human nature) because anything less than Him would have been inadequate and would have most likely result in more failure, extended grief/pain/suffering, and a repeating of the cycle designed to draw me back to Him. We humans resist ultimate surrender, but it is the path to ultimate healing and freedom. Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 1 that he felt the sentence of death – I believe he meant that he had just as soon be dead as alive. After all, he stated that sentiment in other places – but that he felt that sentence so that Christ might display His power. Are you scared when you hit rock bottom? That’s human nature. But we have to be willing to be scared, willing to let go, in order to discover the place where takes over. It’s scary-good place, the place of renewal and supernatural power. I’ve talked to several people – including parents of teens – this week who appear to be at ‘rock bottom.’ It is fork-in-the-road time. Pray they will trust God’s strength. And do the same yourself.

• Check out http://www.alvinreid.com/. The second (currently, could be deeper depending on when you read this) blog entry, ‘Suggested Reading for Middle School Students.’ Alvin is a mentor and good friend. Check him out, and give your kids some meaningful reading material.