Teaching Children Through Asking the Right Questions

How often have you said something to your child such as "Do you actually think I believe that?" or, "Now what are you going to do?" or "Got yourself into a fine fix, didn't you?" And as soon as you ask, you launch into a lecture, or begin giving instructions. You asked a 'rhetorical question,' a literary device used for effect, but not expecting an answer.

I suggest that our children will learn more by turning our rhetorical questions to literal questions, then waiting patiently for a reply.

How we execute conversations with our children is vital to how much opportunity we are giving them to truly learn. If we want them to process values and instructions, we must give them more opportunities.

Three reasons the right question at the right time helps:

1 -- It makes them think.
Don't just tell the child the right answer, ask them. "What do you think you should do now?" is much more effective than, "Here's what you should do . . ." It makes them think. It calls upon them to consider what they've learned and how it applies to the current situation.

This takes more time and emotional power from the parent as they work through the answer with the child, but something less than this is often just lazy parenting. It is easier to just tell them the answer, but the child has nothing invested in that. They have not exercised their heart, mind and will to arrive at a solution. They do not get the benefit of the encouragement they feel from fully or partially arriving at the answer on their own.

2 -- It tests their honesty.
 If they tell you what you suspect is a tall tale, and you reply with something like, "Do you expect me to believe that?'" stand there and calmly wait for the answer. You are forcing them to engage their consciounce and choose whether to obey it. If they know Christ, you are forcing them engage the Holy Spirit, who convicts of sin, and counsels them. They will live their life engaging both, so give them more chances.

And if the 'tale' is in fact 'truth,' you are causing them to consider how to explain it better, since their first effort obviously created doubt in your mind.

3 -- It pushes them away from the habit of expecting you to have the solution to everything.
Children are capable of critical, analytical thinking much earlier than we give them credit for (don't believe me? Just consider how early and how well they manipulated you!). The sooner they can process the solutions to their dilemnas -- however small or large they may appear to us -- the more effectively they can live out their walk with Christ and thus their purpose.

Some parents give their children far more guidance than they need into the teen years. They say they have to, because the child can't function without it. Perhaps the child can't function without it because the parent never let them process when they were younger.

Let's me smarter than the average bear when engaging our children about challenges and truth. Let's ask smart questions, wait for answers, then help them by guiding them -- oftentimes with more questions -- to the truths that will answer their questions.

Links & Quotes

* http://ow.ly/16utO - a strong series of radio podcasts featuring Francis Chan, essentially overviewing his must-read, easy-read book, Forgotten God.

* Challenging question repeated on Twitter, not sure of the source: "If I die at 80 and attend church like a good Baptist I'll sit through 12,480 sermons? But how many people will I disciple?"

* http://ow.ly/17sNr -- This is about the complexity of simplicity. It is about the church but you can see the easy application to your home.

* http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/35339424/ns/health-kids_and_parenting/ -- You might want to check out the dancing trend among teens and do a little 'coaching.'

* Hey middle-aged parents, what have you got planned for the final 20 years of your life? Check this out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60_TmQdxkcI

* "People who are obsessed with God are known as givers, not takers." - Francis Chan