It shocked them when I said that I, too, was totally co-dependent. I explained that what someone else thinks of me absolutely impacts my mood and decisions almost all day, every day. I told them that if that one is up on me, I'm up on me! If my relationship with them isn't right, I'm off on most everything.
I'm sure the person wondered for a few minutes what in the world they were doing in my office (!) since I was at least as bad off as they were! Then I explained that co-dependency is a very, very good thing -- if you are co-dependent on Jesus Christ.
Let me be honest. I over-stated my point and am not as co-dependent on Him as I need to be! And I at at times co-dependent on humans, which I don't need to be.
Who are you co-depdendent upon? Stick with me. Human co-dependency is defined various ways, but all have to do with the actions of Person A consistently and (almost always) negatively affecting another Person B. That person is essentially being controlled by someone else.
This happens in families, between spouses ('If he/she is OK, I'm OK.' While I totally understand that the emotions of the one you love most should matter to you, if you play that game long, and nobody will be OK!) But here's the stinger: this happens between parent and child.
What happens when a parent is too insecure in their relationship with Christ and that comes out in their dependence on their relationship with a child? That parent loses the true vision of the child's situation and need and is unable to draw boundaries.
You've seen the parent (at times, you may have been the parent) that just can't bear to upset little so-and-so, so they let an offense or habit go. Little so-and-so figures this out, and plays it for all it's worth (it's what humans do . . . ) "Mommy (or Daddy) loves me too much to make me stop X or do Y."
No, Mommy or Daddy can't stand firm enough in their identity with Christ to tell the child 'no' because they need the child's constant approval for emotional support.
Parents, we must
- know who Christ says we are (see Neil T. Anderson's 'Who I Am in Christ'; I can direct you to a copy).
- We must live out of that identity as an individual and parent.
- We must fellowship with Him daily, letting His love and approval wash over us.
I am a parent who believes you can be your child's friend and authority figure, that you can be firm, even hard when necessary, and be tender. But the season's sway. There are times when we are very unpopular.
If you can't stand that, you can't parent effectively.
Links, Quotes,Whiteboard Material
* Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding!!! Cue up the computer at home, gather the fam around, and watch this together. It's a no-brainer. (It's also short). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42E2fAWM6rA&feature=youtu.be. Thanks to @drama4three on Twitter for posting.
* Like a person without air, the believer without prayer loses consciousness. -- Pastor Mike Glenn.
It's true for your family, too. A family that is not praying, is not 'breathing in and out' the Spirit of God. They can't have consciousness, i.e., alertness, familiarity, awareness, of what Christ wants. Is your family breathing?
* I was intrigued by a term used in Bill Hull's book Christlike: 'Uncomplicated Obedience.' He says our success as a Christian isn't rated by church attendance or even day-to-day behavior, but by simply whether we practice 'uncomplicated obedience.' Hmmm. That keeps it simple. And maybe we need to keep it that simple with our children . . .
* 1st_Things on Twitter reminds: "Kids of divorce and seperation need to socialize with other single parent kids" because of the empathy. They don't feel as alone or misunderstand. My observation of the point is that this is good, but not something to go over-board with.
* Whiteboard material: Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.-Peter Ustinov, Tweeted by @MarriageNFamily
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