This recently happened when I was dealing with one of our girls. Stick with me -- this is an important illustration of something I hope happens much more! The 14-year-old has a particular unhealthy bent that borders on sin. She did four things in a three-day period that related to this unhealthy bent. I could have given her a stern lecture, been exactly and Biblically right, and gotten back a defensive, stiff look. In doing so, progress would have been neglible, if any.
But the Holy Spirit got my attention. As I was contemplating how to deal with it, He said, "I'll handle this." I said, "What?" He repeated, then expanded, "I'll handle this. You just put the issue before her, and tell her to deal with me on it."
Let's pause here. This only works if your child a) knows Christ, and b) exhibits a desire for spiritual growth (i.e., you see evidence of a walk with Christ).
Because this child/woman had shown me enough evidence of a walk, because I know she loves the Lord even though she is imperfect (as I am), I could believe that she would willingly hear from the Holy Spirit about her actions/attitude.
So I sat her down, and in a gracious tone of voice (that doesn't always happen . . . .) said, "You are not in trouble with me, and I do not request a response from you on what I'm about to say. I want to say four things (four statements of the four things she'd done over three days), then I simply want you to put those things before the Father and deal with them, OK?" She readily agreed (beats getting chewed out and punished!). I said what I had to say, and told her we were finished with the issue.
Instead of taking my 'easy out' and walking away, she asked why I handled it that way. This was a great chance for affirmation! I said, "One, I'm growing in my trust of My Father to be your Father. He sometimes tells me to let Him handle it. Now, you may not ever use that against me -- most often He uses me or mom to speak to you. Two, I can see that you love the Lord, that you hunger for His truth, and therefore I increasingly believe you will listen to the Holy Spirit when He speaks."
I am not naive enough to think we'll never see the issue again, but my point is that I believe (especially from comments she made later) that the Holy Spirit had already dealt with her, and that I (in a rare win!) successful avoided exasperating the child, while showing faith in God.
I hope that's useful to someone.
Great Quotes, Links, Info
- So solid, a must read! http://www.shepherdshillfarm.org/blog/how-parents-can-enable-troubled-teens-to-be-troubled/
- This particular post is about discerning the 'lost' from the 'saved;' or, to be more precise, the danger in trying to do that. It is not directly relevant to parenting, but is so powerful I wanted to share it, for those interested in the subject. http://www.graceforlife.com/2006/04/tare-police.html
- Interesting site for parents of troubled teens. Might be relevant to you, or worth keeping, or something to refer to someone else. http://www.christiantroubledteens.co.cc/
- Great thought from Dr. Don Whitney, discipleship guru from Southern Seminary: "Some of the most important changes in my life occurred when I thought to ask, What does the Bible say about this?' The way I spend the Lord's Day, for example, and my thinking about what activities please God in worship were dramatically changed when I purposed to study what God's Word said about those matters.
Far more often than we do, Christians should ask such questions. In our relationships, finances, use of time, priorities, parenting, simplifying, and everything else, we should more quickly ask, "What does the Bible say about this?"
- "I'm afraid this generation is spending less and less time praying because we've made ourselves so busy." -Francis Chan
- "'Propitiation' for kids: Its where you were going to get spanked & Jesus put his butt in the way " --Mike of Tenth Ave North
- This has to be on your kitchen board: "The more self-centered I am, the more unsatisfied I'll be." -- Rick Warren
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