The Bible & Dating -- What Have They to do With Each Other

What does the Bible say about dating?
Nothing in particular, but much in principle.

Our challenge as parents is to draw out the principles in the Word of God and apply them to life, in this case, to dating.

Some Biblically Discerned Principles for Dating

• We must not view dating as the world does.

“For if, after they have escaped the pollutions of the world through the knowledge of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, they are again entangled in them and overcome, the latter end is worse for them than the beginning.”¬ – 2 Peter 2:20

Carefully consider and discuss as parents how the world views dating, then contrast it to the Word of God, and adjust your guidelines per.
The world ‘dates around’ for ‘fun.’ ‘Fun’ leads down all sorts of dangerous paths.

Young people of the opposite sex should be around each for the purpose of a) non-romantic friendship; or b) discovering their character for the purpose of consideration of marriage

Re-phrased, the principles of the Word of God would strongly suggest there should be no recreational dating. We as parents should not endorse that they get some practice for marriage. To be more accurate, Biblical dating might best be called courting, to distinguish intent.

↓Recreational Dating Defined↓

† Dating with no interest in long-term commitment
† Dating with a more goal of pleasant companionship in mind (that’s call friendship and is honorable apart from dating; friendship guidelines is a separate discussion)
† Dating with status in mind (parents, watch out for this one!), because everyone else has a boy/girlfriend.
† Dating with the point being to meet emotional needs (perhaps valid needs, mostly met the wrong way).

Key note→ Recreational Dating promotes easy-in, easy-out, serve-me-first philosophy of life. Kids ‘break up’ over the slightest of slights, on impulse. This has impacted the divorce rate today, where being unhappy somehow qualifies as a factor in maintaining marriage.

• A teen must find out if the person has been ‘born again’ and is committed foremost to Christ. John 3:3-8, Nicodemus story.

“Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bond-servant, and coming in the likeness of men.” ¬ -- Philippians 2:5-7

Victor’s translation→ “Think like Christ, Who was God, but didn’t try to attain the position of God. Instead he took the lowest position and served the lowest people.”

• We cannot marry an unbeliever (2 Corinthains 6:14-15).

Thus there is no reason to date one. This must be non-negotiable. There are no ‘outs,’ no excuses, no reasons. The challenge becomes, in teen friendships, where to draw the line between outreach and an inappropriate association. But that line isn’t even in question with regard to dating, and is for another conversation.

We’re not merely talking about making sure they ‘go out’ with a ‘church-going’ kid, but one who is genuinely expresses a love for Christ and shows a passion for spiritual growth.

• In all relationships, we must love the Lord above all else. Matthew 10:37-38 and many others.

When you see a relationship taking the highest place, over God, insist on and coach for an adjustment, and, if necessary, disallow the relationship. (With the difficulty of doing and enforcing this duly noted).

Until our children learn to have their deepest needs satisfied by the Lord (which they primarily must learn by you modeling it), they will seek that satisfaction elsewhere, in their immaturity not recognizing the shallow and errant nature of what they are receiving. When we see our children satisfied in romantic relationship in a way that only the Holy Spirit should satisfy, we have some coaching/adjusting/re-boundary-setting to do.

I am not saying that if you see a teenager showing satisfaction at being in a Godly relationship with a Godly person, something needs to change. I mean when that relationship is taking place, time, or energy that is being diverted from God. If a teen is putting a romantic interest ahead of God, he or she is practicing idolatry (Galatians 5:20; Colossians 3:5). YOU, parents, are the time management tool for your child. You can’t redirect their emotional energy, but you can re-direct who they are with and when.

How can you help re-direct focus from a person to Christ and keep the relationship?

How about having fellowship with the teen and their friend in the context of studying and applying the Word. Put them on your turf, then model behavior/focus.

• We cannot have premarital sex (1 Cor. 6:9, 13; 2 Tim. 2:22). It should be obvious that the issue is not as simple as saying, ‘Kids, just don’t have sex.’

We have to a) define sex. b) establish how far they can go in personal contact.
We will discuss this at length next week and/or the next.

The Bare Minimum Guidelines

1. No fornication (sexual activities) before marriage,
2. No adultery (cheating) inside a relationship, and
3. No dating a non-Christian

That's the list of 'no's'; what are the 'yes's'?
1. Learn to be a good friend and identify good friends, without the social trappings of concern over dating, most of which is peer pressure.
2. Focus on friendship -- great marriages often come out of great friendship.
3. Don't shop where you can't buy; if you're not old enough to court, don't date.
4. Let Jesus be your satisfaction in identity and emotion; when He fills all places, the unhealthy urge for someone else to please you diminishes and balances.
Teaching Exercise for Your Children↓

Rationale for exercise→Do you want your children to understand, agree with and amicably embrace – not merely obey – your position regarding dating/courting? Of course. So help them arrive at the point of view on their own. This exercise will take some time, so give them a few days to a week or two, and supervise that they are actually working at it.

• Ask them to write down any verses of the Bible that they think could impact their view on dating.
• After that (so that they do in fact study the Word without the internet) have them do internet study of what the Bible says about dating.
• From those two actions, have them write down what they believe the guidelines for dating should be.

Parents, take those guidelines and take all your kids will give you! IF they’ve done a thorough job and love the Lord, they’ll give you the grounds to form an agreeable standard. This could be a HUGE win for your family.