Equippers Newsletter -- From Him to them through you

“A house is actually a school and a church, and the head of the household is a pastor in his house.” – Martin Luther, via @LifeWayMarriage. Ding-ding-ding-ding! GET THIS ONE. Let it seep into the heart and mind. The parent is chief educator, chief spiritual leader, chief ‘formation manager’ of the lives entrusted to you! Wow!! What responsibility, but what a perfect model we have in God the Father, and what a perfect helper in the Holy Spirit. You can do this – in Christ!


Today’s newsletter is heavy on links because I’ve seen so much good stuff lately. Much of it comes from filtering Twitter, so the @so-and-so tells you where it came from in case you want to follow them. If you have a twitter account, please tell me so I can follow you. I am simply VictorLee (one word) on twitter. Enjoy:

• Sad story, and not related to parenting, BUT, a little over half way through this short clip I think you hear a great example the Christ-like way to respond to tragedy. Perhaps worth showing your family as you ‘shape’ their thinking about how to cope with hardship. http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/crime/2009/09/13/wral.nc.groom.killed.wral
• Great blog entry by Jason Hayes (@JasonHayes) on spiritual snootiness vs. humility. Excellent for your kids to read, or better yet as foundational material for a family discussion a parent leads. http://threadsmedia.com/life/article/super-spirituality-are-you-a-faith-snob-part-one/
• Very practical advice on how to get your child to listen. A little better for younger kids than older, but useful to all. http://www.more4kids.info/1178/parenting-solutions-for-listening-kids/
• You’ve got to know what your kids’ generation likes! Relevant cultural information:http://parent2parent.ning.com/group/trendwatch/forum/topics/current-youth-culture-top-10
• Two great quotes on our walk with Christ and daily surrender to him, from Hal Mayer (@HalMayer), “It is interesting following God. Every time we get a sense of, ‘okay I got this,’ He allows life and circumstances to turn us back to Him,” and, “Thank you God for caring enough about knowing me -to allow me to be incomplete enough to need YOU and know it!” Use these as part of a discussion with your kids of how bad things and struggles are used by God to grow us. This is vital for them to grasp early.
• Whiteboard/discussion material for home: “Another proof of our fallen nature is our uncanny ability to clearly see the faults of everyone except ourselves.” – Rick Warren (@RickWarren)
• Wise thoughts from a Godly man on real protection for our children.
http://www.echurch.co.za/good-news/trust-god-with-your-loved-ones/
• Strong story about a family being pro-active on the sexual front; including strong stats on porn. http://www.ajc.com/news/gwinnett/porn-talk-draws-masses-141608.html?imw=Y

'World vs. Word' in Shaping Your Child's Sexuality

5th in a Series on Shaping Your Child's Sexuality
Review John 17:15-19
The bottom line summary: You are not residents of earth, just as Jesus is not. You are here, at His bidding, to be His slave, to accomplish His purposes. You live in a constant state of spiritual growth (sanctification) that is accomplished by the Word of God washing over and through your life, correcting, instructing and inspiring.

It is in that context that we raise our children. One major aspect of life on earth, in this foreign place, is sexuality, because sensuality and this sexuality have become a God to the people of this world. It is a self-God, an idol, and Satan masquerades in it as true intimacy. The enemy has perverted a beautiful thing. Our challenge is to put it in the context of 'beautiful' for our children.
The impossible job: To keep the world out of our children while putting our children in the world to make a difference.

Be careful too far to one side, and you really are a religious zealot.
But be too loose to the other, and you really are making the road wider and more dangerous for your children.

We can’t build too many walls, or we can’t fulfill the No. 2 reason we exist: to fulfill His purposes! (The first reason is to give Him glory, which you can argue is the same as the second reason because if you fulfill His purposes you give Him glory! But that’s another message).

Where are we ‘careful’ and where are we not? What is inappropriately ‘sexualized’ that draws our children the wrong way, and what is simply appropriate exposure to life, reality, the human body, the interaction of men and women, and education about the interaction of man and woman in marriage?

Overarching question→ What is appropriate sexualization for a middle schooler a) at home; b) socially; c) in dating. Work to come up with real answers and use them to help guide your plan! Note that this whole teaching series on sexuality is not designed to give you the answers to the test, but to give you the questions, point you to the text book, and ask you to put the answer in your own words to your children as the Spirit leads!

Examples of the 'tension' we face:

When they are 14, do we pretend with our children that the opposite sex doesn’t exist?
Or do we endorse them snuggling up on the couch with a boyfriend, holding hands, with a kiss being our ‘limit’ to enforce? Aren’t BOTH making you uncomfortable right now?

Do we as parents display to our kids in our affections, attitudes and conversation toward each other that we’ve had sex the exact number of times as the number of kids in the household, or do we openly acknowledge and even playfully (not meaning crudely) speak about our romantic life?

Do we blindly assume our children are never going to have an orgasm – not to mention sex --until their wedding night? Or do we actually discuss what one is and whether it is acceptable for that to occur before marriage? Or do we take an in-active in-between role that assumes ‘they’ll figure that out on their own;’ and is there anything wrong with that attitude (since they probably will figure that out on their own)?
Understanding Where You’re Starting From
Are You a Prude, Pragmatic or Progressive
When it Comes to Shaping Your Child’s Sexuality

A Prude sticks their head in the sand, at worst, and at best speaks self-righteous-sounding platitudes that offend the mind and miss the heart. In either case, they set their kid up for disaster.

What to do if you’re a prude: back up, take a deep breath and a long look, and completely re-approach. Deal with your own sexual issues on a spiritual (forgiveness; adjustment) level. Have honest dialogue with your spouse. Own your struggles and begin an open dialogue with a progressive about how to change, including specific next steps.

A Pragmatic thinks, ‘I better do and say something about sex’ out of obligation, or defense, and of course out of genuine love, but they really don’t want to personally engage because they are defensive and scared. So they draw boundaries without heart- and head-engaging explanation, they give books that explain plumbing apart from emotions, and they hope for the best. They won’t get it.

What to do if you’re a pragmatic: tie the heart to the matter. You’ve been willing to engage the issue, now be willing to be vulnerable and ‘uncomfortable’ taking the conversation to the heart level. Talk about it with a progressive.

A Progressive anticipates the dialogue, prayerfully and thoughtfully prepares to engage and equip their child, maintains open dialogue with their spouse about the issue, and never, ever leaves their child thinking sex is a dirty word or something to fear. Why do they leave them thinking it is nothing to fear? Because they give it proper CONTEXT, relationally and to the Word of God, and they SHOW that context in their life with their spouse. A progressive’s children have the best chance to grow into a Biblical sexuality.

What to do if you’re a progressive: keep growing, and find a prude or pragmatic to help! Make yourself available. Actually begin/drive dialogue with other parents on the issue; you might change their kids’ lives.

What are the guiding principles that determine where you as a parent land in the continuums above? And what will you do from here? Below are suggested steps to work through as parent(s).

• Consider whether you are naïve, and reject it if you are
• Write down a series of questions, issues or concerns regarding sex and your child
• Search the Word and its guiding principles for application to each
• Consider ‘practical’ (day-to-day, pragmatic, contextualized) answers/solutions for same
• Merge the Biblical and the ‘practical’ into an ‘action plan’ for each issue/question
• Prioritize order of dealing with questions/issues/concerns
• Carefully considering the state of your relationship with your child with regard to deeply personal physical/emotional issues, make a plan for beginning the dialogue (not having a mere ‘talk’) with your child

Peace, As Jesus Gives It

It is a sweet and safe place to be able to figuratively curl up in the arms of Jesus when you are hurting and believe you have no where else to turn. (Many men among you readers have likely already recoiled at that comment, anti-masculine as it appears. But let’s remember that Jesus was a very masculine man, a carpenter, a strong man, a tender warrior.) Life frequently – daily sometimes – present conundrums of the mind, heart and circumstances that no person can solve. You can’t get your own mind and actions to follow His will, it seems, much less someone else’s! Get two or three problems spinning around you in a row, and you’re reduced to desperation.

And there is Jesus. Too often that’s what it takes to get us to Him – major ‘trouble,’ stuff we couldn’t manage ‘on our own’ (as if we’re supposed to manage anything on our own!). So is it any wonder He allows it?

“Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Your heart must not be troubled or fearful.” – John 14:27

He leaves us HIS peace. How big is His peace? Total. Beyond thorough. Nothing is ‘worrying Him’ (our sin does grieve Him, however). Nothing can shake Him. He sees the past, present and future (in fact, so completely that He does not function in ‘time’ as we know it), and He holds it all. That’s pretty big peace!

He contrasts that peace with ‘peace’ the world gives. How does the world give it’s (false) peace? Through distraction (sin, habit, or a combination), drugs, man’s effort to ‘eliminate’ (divorce, abandon, etc.) the problem. Satan keeps feeding us the same old substititues! You would think w would catch on!

You may think, ‘I don’t know how to run to Jesus, to curl up in His arms!’ There is no ‘technique.’ Be still. Speak (in your mind or with your mouth) your fears, concerns, feelings, etc. with raw honesty. Focus your mind on Him. Ask Him to comfort and speak back. Be still long enough to get it out, and be still long enough to hear. Ask the Holy Spirit to do His job(s): a) comfort; b) counsel; c) intercede for you; d) bring to your mind the Truth Jesus taught.

It will work, every time. As some prescriptive applications say in the instructions: “Repeat as often as necessary.”

Standing Naked Before Jesus

Today’s Texts→John 7:53-8:12 (woman caught in adultery); Romans 8:28-30; 31-34
(These are 'notes', not an article, but I hope you can get enough nuggets without the transitions and some detail-Victor)
The Scene→↓The religious people (the self-righteous legalists) are trying to trap Jesus, so they bring him the most publicly unacceptable, egregious, situation of the day: a woman caught in adultery.

They did it publicly. In ‘church.’ With smirks on their face they said, ‘OK, GOD, what you do about this?!’

He delayed. Twice. To let them think about it. (Pretty good parenting technique, by the way)

1→“No one, Lord.” LORD!

She called Him ‘Lord’! She’s standing there fresh from hot sex, with somebody’s table cloth wrapped around her so she won’t be stark naked, and she calls Him LORD! She goes in there literally expecting to DIE, and comes face-to-face with a man who turns the tables on her accusers. This man is different, why, He’s a God-Man!

2→“Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.”

Listen, when you take a sinner to God, what do YOU expect Him to do with him?! Be careful here! God might mess up your revenge with His redemption! If you want them ‘condemned’ for being so bad, you better get in the executive line with them!

God isn’t waiting for a person to get cleaned up! He saved you as you were! What He says to her is amplified in Romans 8:1, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus . . . “ He says, “You’ve met me now. Everything changes. Go on, quit that nasty stuff, and live in the light.”

She has met the Lord, in the midst of her greatest need. Well, that’s a fine time to meet Him! When did you meet Him? When everything was going rosy? Not if you got saved, past, say, 10 years old! Once you were old enough to figure out that rosy isn’t rosy, you were trying to FIND a savior.

3→”I am the light of the world. Anyone who follows Me will never walk in the darkness, but will have the light of life.”

Once you are exposed to the light, you crave the light! Remember the woman at the well. She had a pretty sordid sexual past and present, too. But once she’d seen The Light, she didn’t mind what everybody knew so much . . . that was secondary. She ran back to the village telling the people to “come see a man who told me everything I ever did!” In her case, that’s the same as saying, “Come see a man who told me everybody I ever slept with!”

The point isn’t what she did – the point isn’t what you did – the point is Who He Is, and how He changes who you are!

Our God is a God of redemption, and that includes in YOUR sex life; whether of the body or of the mind. Read the redemptive passages of Scripture!

Romans 8:28-30 applies. A few thoughts and steps spinning off of “all things work together . . .” as it relates to a sexual sin history.

A-He knew you were going to do that (He did not ordain it, permit it, or endorse it, but He knew it)
B-He knows who you are with now (He knows who you married and the baggage you brought)
C-His mind can overtake your mind (If you don’t believe and live this, you are living in defeat; the battle is for the mind, and the saved have ‘the mind of Christ’)
D-His nature can overtake your nature (”be transformed by the renewing of your mind”)
E-Practice makes perfect (overcome ‘wrong sex’ with ‘right sex’; he ordained your sexuality with your spouse!)


→Read/exegete Romans 8:31-34 carefully

You are clean. You are redeemed from your sin, including your sexual sin. Now go and sin no more. But when you do – which is not an excuse for sin – you have An Advocate, Who is at the right hand of the Father. He paid the price, interceded, shaped and reformed you, interceded some more.

You are free from your past sexual sin! And being free from it, and knowing you are free, and accepting your freedom, you are now free to shape the sexuality of your children without guilt, shame, remorse or embarrassment.

When You Run From Sexual Sin (of the past, present, or in the mind),
Where Do You Run?
To the Light.

↓Overarching, practical truth for you and your children↓
You Must Focus on the Light

How Do You Focus?
1-Eliminate Distractions
2-Accountability
3-Intentional Lighting
4-Knowing Where to Run (1 Cor 10:13)

Have I gone soft on sexual sin in this message? NO. The summary of all above – relating to all sin, not just sexual sin: Jesus died on the cross, for your sin and mine. So the price is paid. So quit violating the one who paid the ultimate price by doing the same thing over again. RUN – TO – THE – LIGHT.

A Word for Would-be Leaders too Shy to Share

Paul wrote, "For I want very much to see you, that I may impart some spiritual gift to strengthen you, that is, to be mutually encouraged by each other's faith, both yours and mine." - Romans 1:11-12


Don't ever be shy about passing on what God has given you -- it's literally why you exist. There is a false humility among some Christians that causes them to think, 'Who am I to share that?' or 'What I have to say doesn't matter,' or 'They'll think it strange coming from me.' This is how the enemy wants you to think! Such 'false humility' is really either a) one fooled by the enemy per my previous comment; b) one simply not bold enough to speak; c) one with too little faith to believe that God will use his (which are really His) words. The three reasons overlap with many people.

You've accurately heard it said that genunine humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less. So when you hear something from the Lord and desire to pass it on, you are thinking of benefitting others with what has benefitted you. Sounds Christ-like to me!

We must act in humble confidence, and confident humility.

Paul's comment breaks down this way. A) A desire to see those to whom he is called to minister; for you, that's anyone in a group that you have leadership of OR influence/membership in; B) that I may impart some spiritual gift; clearly, he has something for them. Prerequisite to that is that he has received something, thus having been in steady fellowship with God; C) to be mutually encouaraged by each other's faith, both yours and mine; our leading/teaching - YOUR leading/teaching -- leads to our receiving from others as they grow in intimacy with us and thus willingness to share and as our overall example of 'passing it on' is caught. This is creating or contributing to true Biblical community per the Acts 2 model of church.

Share boldly! Use any venue you've given. Share with those who share with you. Re-send with proper credits what you receive. The point is always to encourage one another in the faith, teaching, shaping, nurturing, encouraging, reven rebuking as needed.

If you know Christ, you ARE the front lines!

Watching it Storm from the Mountaintop-Victor

Turning 'Inverted Christianity' Upside Down

Mark Batterson writes in 'Chase the Goose -- Reclaiming the Adventure of Living a Spirit-led Life': "Many people live an inverted form of Christianity, trying to get God to serve their purposes instead of them trying to serve His purposes. In what ways do you live that way?"

I can count quite a few in myself, yet my heart jumps with agreement, passion and some (hopefully righteous) anger when I read this quote, because I agree so passionately.

I challenge you to self-examination this week with regard to the above statement. I'll do so as I sit here in the mountains of North Carolina, hanging out with Jesus and Judy.

Here's the deal: Those living 'inverted Christianity' are either not saved, or very young in the sanctification process. And you cannot be even that young in the process and not have a urging in your heart, a drawing of the Spirit, a ding-ding-ding going off in the ears of your soul that says, 'There's more than this!'

Yes there is. There's servanthood, and most of us stink at it. If you are going to minister, there is one thing you must acccept promptly and just 'live with': that ministry is inconvenient. YET, anything less is soul-less, passion-less, utterly self-serving.

Reading Yancey's 'The Jesus I Never Knew,' I - like Yancey - was most struck by the story about Henri Nouwen walking away from all the accolades and public focus of his life (Harvard professor and priest) to daily care for a man who could not care for himself. What a waste it seemed, and yet Nouwen was most content and fulfilled at this stage of life.

Batterson goes on to point out how completely upside down God's thinking is compared to ours. And this truth is among the first that must sink into our thick skulls in order for us to 'get it' that we will never chart a successful ministry path for ourselves. We are not here to come up with clever, practical plans for how to help Jesus do His thing, but instead to simply say to Him, 'Whatever you want, I'll do.'

Ask yourself, "What am I doing in 'ministry' that was MY plan?" If you get a clear answer, graciously and in a reasonable length of time (that gives those you minister with time to adjust) step away from it; you are taking up the spot of someone who is called to it! Then, ask our Lord what He truly wants from you. Examine your passions. Consider your spiritual gifts, personality, experience. As well, ask this question, "If money wasn't an object, what one thing would I most passionately want to do to serve Christ?" Seek. Explore. Our walk with Christ is an adventure. Have intimate fellowship with the Spirit until He shows you what He wants from you (read: what He wants to do through you). He loves the adventure, and you will, too.

Then your niche(s) will be deep and will penetrate the dark culture, as opposed to the wide, shallow religious service that makes so little difference because so many un-led, un-regenerate inverted 'Christians' are trying to help out poor little Jesus.

There is a run of mediocrity in ministry today, a run of religiousity in churches, and a run of self-righteousness in preachers and teachers. It makes Jesus sick. I must guard against such rising up in me, and so must we all. We must simply serve. Jesus is to the servant because He was a servant.

Let's serve. Let's live in power.

Ranting for Jesus from high atop Utah Mountain-Victor

Links, Quotes, Thoughts and A Rant on Parenting

• See the 'Personal Letters' entry for Aug. 29 from the following blog. It's a great way to impact your children! http://nvcparents.wordpress.com/
• Any preschoolers at home? Check out this family devo option: http://www.lifepointchurch.org/preschoolseries
• Teens old enough to drive? PARENTS driving? This ought to be a wake-up call: http://michaelhyatt.com/2009/08/driving-while-texting-is-really-dangerous.html
• Some of you have sown your wild oats and now you're hoping for a crop failure." -- Doug Sager. That applies to some parents, who hope what we did doesn't 'trickle down.' Sometimes they don't know what we did. Sometimes they know our history a little more. I strongly believe that if our children know much at all about our past being less than best, we influence them better by owning it, telling the kids how and why we wish we'd done better, and telling them what you expect and that what you've done is no excuse. Of course, living Godly before them is the course correction that shows them the integrity in your words and life.
• It is hard work being a parent! (if we do it right). But this reminder from Frederick Douglass: "It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men."
• Great tips/reminders here on parenting tips. Definitely worth your review. http://www.anniefox.com/parents/parent_teen_relationships.html

A Rant, and Introspection on the Culture's Impact on Our Children
“Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in Him.” – 1 John 2:15

As parents we must apply Scripture to our own lives, but also apply it to the life of our children and family. In that context, this verse is very, very hard to process. If you live in America, if you live in upper-middle-class West Knoxville or somewhere remotely similar, then it is very hard not to love the world.

We must ask ourselves hard, introspect questions, and we must work hard to answer them through God’s lens. Then, we must make steady -- perhaps slow, but at least consistent and steady -- progress toward re-centering with God's Truth. What qualifies as ‘the world?’ What does it mean to ‘love’ it? Does it mean we shouldn’t go out to dinner and the movies? Does it mean we can’t enjoy pleasures this world offers?

This is such deep stuff that, frankly, most who call themselves Christians don’t bother wrestling with it. They just keep trying to live for Jesus while living for the world – an impossibility. The Bible refers to them as 'double-minded' people, and I'm too often guilty! For those who want to grapple with the issue, they find themselves in a consistent -- albeit healthy -- tension. Staying in the Word and listening to the Spirit minute-by-minute is what brings victory.

Certainly, we are not to build a literal fortress and separate from the world. We are to be “in the world, but not of it” according to Scripture. I rarely favor any of the ‘boycots’ of businesses, etc., such as the Disney boycott. (I agree with my cousin, Russ, who says that on Gay Day at Disney we Christians should buy all the tickets we can, go there, and show people the love of Christ; and no, I’m not suggesting you take your impressionable younger children; I'm suggesting we live this out instead of just throwing stones. Taking a stand is one thing. Enhancing our unapproachability is another complete. As I 'preach' about parenting consistently: we can be right all day long and LOSE because of how we sent the message)
The issue of when and how we interact with the world calls for drawing some fine lines. It calls for spiritual discernment that only the Holy Spirit can give. But perhaps we can develop some diagnostic questions that help us evaluate whether we are ‘loving the world’ instead of the Lord. These are in the context of our children, but you can apply them to yourself, of course. And this is just my best-shot-for-now at it.


1) With whom do our children associate mostly as close personal friends?
2) How are our children mostly entertained?
3) What is the media’s specific role in shaping your child’s mind?
          a. What does your child watch on television, and for how long?
          b. What kind of books does your child read?
          c. What type of video games does your child play?
4) What does your child’s dress say about the influence of the culture and media on them?
5) What are our children's activities, and what/why have they been influenced to them? What are those activities gaining them in the end? (which is not a suggestive question that doing something for mere pleasure is wrong).

That alone should open a can of worms, but it is a can that we as parents MUST open. The balance has to be there. The re-centering with the Gospel must happen. Ask the hard questions; then take the hard steps.